“Wherefore all these things are but the names which mortals
have given, believing them to be true.”

-Parmenides, ‘On Nature’

From Darkwing Duck to Louis Stevens, the Disney Channel is filled with unique and lovable characters. Which one are you? Take this quiz to find out!

  1. 1. Pick a movie genre:

    You have selected your favorite movie genre, but to what end? Beneath these superficial preferences, we are all the same. I am you, and you are Scrooge McDuck, and Scrooge McDuck is the Famous Jett Jackson.

  2. 2. Which city would you most like to live in?

    The form of the Thing as we perceive it is not the Thing itself. In the darkness we are all Kim Possible.

  3. 3. What is your most valuable attribute?

    Do these attributes truly determine identity? Darkwing Duck and Kim Possible are both brave. If you are also brave, then are you both Darkwing Duck and Kim Possible? If Lizzie McGuire won the lottery, would this make her Scrooge McDuck? Each life is unified in an undifferentiated continuum, like grains of salt dissolved in the sea. Chip is Dale. Dale is Beans. Beans is God. God is Ron Stoppable. It has always been this way.

  4. 4. What is your ideal first date?

    Where does Phineas end and Ferb begin?

  5. 5. Pick your favorite cartoon duck:

    The fool exclaims: “But these ducks are all the same! And none of them is a cartoon duck!”

    The wise man replies: “Exactly.”

  6. 6. Which ’90s Disney Channel show are you most nostalgic for?

    Gentle youth, do not yearn for the ’90s. That which exists can never pass away, and that which shall be is already here, and so it can never arrive. “Past” and “Future” are mere names mortals have applied, in error, to the unchanging uniformity of Time. There is no “Has Been” and no “Will Be.” There is only Now. Thus, it is always the ’90s. Forever.

  • Results for In The Darkness We Are All Kim Possible

    You are Everything.

    Nothing is not. Everything is. Existence is a uniform sphere and everything is dispersed across it without interruption. Do you not see? Launchpad and Darkwing Duck are One. Huey, Dewey, and Louie are One. God and Death and the DuckTales theme song are One. Do you see, at last, that there are no true edges of things? All is merged with All. You are every Disney Channel character. You are Gerald Johanssen. You are every Nicktoons character. You are Everything. Nice!
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