1. 1. Do you know why Mommy had to ground you today?
  2. 2. You can sit there and pout all you want, but it won’t make you any less grounded. So let me ask again: Do you know why you’re grounded?
  3. 3. Ethan Michael, if you don’t talk to me, I have no problem adding another week onto your punishment, and I don’t think you want that. So let me ask one more time: Do you know why you’re grounded?
  4. 4. Well, yes, but can you tell me specifically what you did that was wrong?
  5. 5. How so?
  6. 6. Don’t pretend like you don’t know. You ripped Grandma’s arm off, didn’t you?
  7. 7. Say it out loud for Mommy. Say, “I ripped Grandma’s arm off.”
  8. 8. That’s right, you ripped Grandma’s arm off. And then what did you do?
  9. 9. You—blow your nose, sweetie—you took Grandma’s arm and spanked her with it, didn’t you? You spanked her while yelling, “Stop spanking yourself! Stop spanking yourself!” and then you climbed up on Grandma’s chair, pulled down your pants, and tooted in her face, causing Grandma to throw up all over her nice new blouse. Do you think Grandma liked that?
  10. 10. And do you think Grandma liked it when you ran out to the cul-de-sac and screamed, “I snatched some nasty ol’ orangutan’s paw!” so loud that all the neighbor kids came outside to see what the commotion was? And then you and all the neighbor kids took turns hoisting Grandma’s arm above your heads like the Stanley Cup, belting “We Are The Champions” at the top of your lungs. Do you think Grandma liked that?
  11. 11. That made Grandma very, very sad. She threw up again when she saw you doing that. And do you know what else made Grandma sad?
  12. 12. Ethan. Don’t act like you don’t know.
  13. 13. Yep. When you cooked her arm in the microwave for so long that it popped. It hurt Grandma’s heart to see you do that—especially because you were wearing the little chef outfit she made you for Halloween. She worked very hard to make that for you.
  14. 14. To tell you the truth, sweetie, it wasn’t even what you did to Grandma or her arm that made Mommy so mad. Everyone makes mistakes. What really made Mommy mad was the fact that you lied to me. You told me that Grandma ripped her own arm off because she wanted to mail it to Grandpa in hell so he’d have something to hold hands with. You lied to me because you thought it would get you out of trouble, but instead it did the opposite—it got you in even more trouble. And now you can’t play your Nintendo Switch for a whole week.
  15. 15. Come here, sweetie, give Mommy a hug. Even though Mommy’s mad at you, I still love you very, very much. Okay? But it’s important that you tell Mommy the truth from now on.
  16. 16. And promise me that you’ll try to be better about not dismembering Grandma in the future, okay?
  17. 17. That’s my big boy. I love you.

  • Results for Do You Know Why You’re Grounded?

    You’re Sorry About What You Did, And You Promise You’ll Never Rip One Of Grandma’s Arms Off Again.

    You understand now that it was mean of you to rip Grandma’s arm off and you shouldn’t have done it. You also should not have tooted in Grandma’s face or microwaved her arm till it popped. You love your grandma and feel sad about how you behaved. It stinks that you’re grounded for a week, but now you have learned your lesson, and you will try your best to not rip one of Grandma’s limbs off ever again.

  • Results for Do You Know Why You’re Grounded?

    You Understand Why You’re Grounded, But You’re Still Upset About It.

    You realize now that it was mean of you to rip your grandma’s arm off, but it stinks that you have to be grounded for a week. Your grandma barely even uses her arms anymore. She mostly just sits there. You wish you weren’t grounded so that you could play your Nintendo Switch. Your favorite Nintendo Switch game is “Xenoblade Chronicles 2." It is fun. You wish your mom would’ve just spanked you instead of taking your Nintendo Switch away.
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