Will The Edits You Made To Your Documentary About...

1. The MPAA took issue with the title of your plum documentary, Fuck Vegetable: The True Story Of Plums, Raw And Uncensored. What did you change the name to?: I changed the name to God’s Sexless Wonder: A 100% Nudity-Free Documentary About Plums (Fully Clothed).; I changed the name to Tastefully Sexual: An Erotic And Relatively Family-Friendly Documentary About Plums.; I changed the name to Raisin Érotique: Un Film Sexuel Sur Les Pruneaux Avec Beaucoup De Nudité.; The name of the film is the same, but now it is in all-caps.

2. How have you addressed the issue of all the plum experts being fully nude in the numerous talking head interviews throughout the film?: In each interview, I have zoomed in on the plum expert’s eyeballs, so it is impossible to tell that they are nude.; I have re-shot the talking head interviews and made the plum experts wear tires around their waists, covering their genitals. The breasts remain exposed, but it seems okay to me.; I have re-shot the talking head interviews and made the plum experts wear berets.; I have re-shot the talking head interviews as one combined talking head interview with all the plum experts together in one room at the same time and the plum experts are fucking each other while I ask them questions about plums.

3. The original cut of your plum documentary contained a record number of expletives that the MPAA found to be extremely gratuitous. What have you done about your plum documentary’s explicit language?: I have removed all the original language. The film’s voice-over is now Bible verses about chastity read by my mother.; I have censored every mention of the word “plum” with a deafening foghorn noise.; The expletives are in French now, so most people won’t understand them, but they are also much more offensive now.; The film is now a supercut of every expletive in the film, which is to say, the film is exactly the same as it was before.

4. According to the MPAA’s rating of the film, one scene stood out as being particularly troubling. It’s the scene explaining how plums are grown. How have you altered the scene to accommodate the MPAA’s guidelines?: The horny farmer has been cut, as well as the part with the deer giving birth to a plum, the whole crop duster sequence, and the voice-over of heavy breathing. The scene is mainly just B-roll of soil now.; The horny farmer is still around, but his monologue has been cut down to five minutes. The part with the deer giving birth doesn’t have any close-ups anymore. In the crop duster sequence, it’s still implied that the crop dust is “plum semen,” but it’s never explicitly shouted by the crop duster pilot. The volume of the heavy breathing has been significantly lowered.; The horny farmer’s dialogue has been dubbed over in French, but aside from that it’s pretty much all the same.; I have spun off the scene into its own full-length feature film in order to more fully realize the character of the horny farmer. The plum documentary is still very dear to me, but “Untitled Horny Farmer Project” is where my creative energy is focused right now.

5. Let’s talk about the film’s soundtrack. It contained numerous songs with explicit lyrics, including “Sex Near A Plum,” “Let Me See That Pit,” and “Plum Inside My Dick Somehow.” Any updates on the situation with the soundtrack?: I have replaced the film’s soundtrack with public domain songs about non-sexual vegetables, like limes.; I have replaced the film’s soundtrack with the clean versions of the original songs, such as “Kissing Near A Plum,” “Let Me See That Area Of The Plum,” and “Plum Inside My Car (It’s Fine).”; I have replaced the film’s soundtrack with an audio recording of Serge Gainsbourg either having sex or eating a plum. It is impossible to tell.; I have not replaced the soundtrack. If anything, I have made it louder.

6. And finally, the poster for the film. Obviously, it would be illegal to publicly display the original mock-up you sent to the MPAA. What changes have you made to the poster?: I have pixelated the sexy plum’s genital area, but honestly it just makes it seem worse for some reason.; I have removed the blurb from Peter Travers that said, “Finally, a film with nudity!”; I have complied with the MPAA by removing the title, the blurb, the tagline, and the sexy plum. I have replaced them all with a picture of a French couple going to town on each other. Actually, now that I think about it, there’s no mention of plums or even the movie at all. It’s just a picture of French people fucking now. Hopefully the French version of the MPAA is more accepting of this sort of thing than the American one.; I gave the sexy plum way more abs.

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