1. 1. Look at you. Smooth and hairless as ever. Bet you get waxed for free, don’t you? Probably got a whole line of fans waiting to wax you right now. Or is waxing beneath you? You do those fancy laser hair removals? Must be real nice. Oh, we wouldn’t know though. Some of us still have to rely on our own flesh and blood to get the job done, you know. Your brother? He’s got no one to wax him. No one. What gives? You think you’re better than your hairy family? Here’s a TMZ scoop: You’re not.
  2. 2. How come you never check in? We ain’t never hear from you anymore. If you ever bothered to call, you’d know that ever since you bought that one-way bus ticket to Hollywood, your brother’s gone coarse. He’s a thicket. Look at him.
  3. 3. LOOK AT HIM.
  4. 4. Your brother…your brother has been working himself to death at the family hardware store. Ever since he took over the business, he’s had no one to wax him. Meanwhile, you’re out chasing your dreams, smiling for paparazzi, and showing off your clean-as-a-cue-ball nude body for the cameras—oh, yeah, we see the tabloids at the supermarket. We know what you do. Your brother? He doesn’t get to do that. From sunrise to sunset, your brother breaks his back at work, and when he comes home, he just wants a coat of hot wax applied to and then torn from his densest woolly areas. But no. No Brazilians for him. Not even a landing strip. Can you imagine the shame of resorting to a pair of tweezers, a bottle of Nair, and a strategically placed mirror, all because your own kin isn’t there to strip your rug? No. You can’t.
  5. 5. Money? You think this is about money? To hell with your money! This is about waxing your family! Sure, we never had much, but we gave you everything we could so you and your brother could wax each other. Your brother can appreciate that. When you were just 12 and starting to find hairs all over your body, who first waxed you, lush peach fuzz and all? Your brother. Before heading to school, when you had a five-o’clock shadow from your neck to your ankles, who got the wax out and deforested every nook? Your brother. And you repay him like this? Absolutely shameful. Forgot where you came from, huh? No? Prove me wrong. Go get the wax and make your brother smooth.
  6. 6. Well? You gonna take care of that jungle or what?
  7. 7. Didn’t think so, Show Biz. The feeling of the red carpet against your hairless torso that much nicer than brother’s skin after a fresh wax, is it?
  8. 8. …
  9. 9. Excuse me? What the hell did you just say?
  10. 10. Oh, great. Look what you did now. You’re making your brother cry. Your brother’s overgrown pubic hair, soaked with his own tears. Why don’t you go back to Hollywood, back to all your big-shot friends, huh? Wonder what your playboy pal Tommy Lee Jones would think if he heard you refused to wax your own brother!

  • Results for Are You Such A Hollywood Big Shot Now You Won’t Even Give Your Brother A Full Body Wax?

    You're Too Much Of A Hollywood Big Shot To Wax Your Brother!

    Everyone you knew before you made it big in Hollywood is a stranger to you now. Under the spotlights, up on the silver screen, among the biggest stars in entertainment, that's where you feel most at home. You left the idea of giving your brother a full body wax in the past, right along with the rest of your former life. His body hair grows in tandem with the emotional distance between you. Your days of stripping the curlicues off your brother's torso, genitals, and legs are over. It's all glitz and glamour and wax-free show business for you now.

  • Results for Are You Such A Hollywood Big Shot Now You Won’t Even Give Your Brother A Full Body Wax?

    You Only Act Like A Big Shot Because Of Unresolved Emotional Issues Stemming From Your Upbringing That Drove You To Seek Acceptance In Hollywood In The First Place!

    You may put up the front of a Hollywood big shot, but it's clearly a cover for some trauma you experienced as a child that motivated you to seek approval and acceptance by way of success in the entertainment industry. Deep down, you miss waxing your brother. Once your fortune fades, and Hollywood tosses you to the gutter like it has countless other hopefuls, you'll sorely regret acting like you were too good to tear the unwanted hair off your brother's body. His hairy torso may be all you have left one day.

  • Results for Are You Such A Hollywood Big Shot Now You Won’t Even Give Your Brother A Full Body Wax?

    You're Not Too Much Of A Hollywood Big Shot To Wax Your Brother!

    Hollywood put you through the ringer, and you came out the other end never wanting to take your brother's hairy body for granted again. You had your time in the spotlight, and you've realized that your real home is among the endless tufts of hair your brother needs torn off his very hairy body semi-regularly. That's where you belong.
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