1. 1. Consider the following scenario: You are at a party hosted by a dear friend’s uncle, and you were told to bring a swimsuit for the jacuzzi. You brought one, but the party’s been going on for three hours now and yet no one has even changed into theirs, much less used the jacuzzi. Except, you notice, for one hairy, welcoming man, polishing off a taco salad in the hot tub. How would you conduct yourself in that jacuzzi?
  2. 2. Suppose that after you enter the jacuzzi, jacuzzi man, with yellow eyes and a crooked smile, pulls a couple of soggy cigars from underneath the roiling water and says, “Welcome, friend. Won’t you have a cigar and stay awhile?” How would you respond to his moist query?
  3. 3. The soak continues. Jacuzzi man closes his eyes and rubs his temples, playing a game in his mind only he knows the rules to. “It’s nice to see a new face in the neighborhood,” says this portly, handsome jacuzzi man, “but I have to ask, why haven’t I seen your beautiful face here before?”
  4. 4. “Uncle?” says balding but dashing jacuzzi man, “There are no uncles here—just you, me, and jacuzzi.” Everything outside of the jacuzzi vanishes. You and jacuzzi man are soaking together inside of a windswept void, an inky blackness stretching out into infinity, other than a few gulls about 50 feet away picking at some garbage. Suddenly, jacuzzi man seems to become the water itself.
  5. 5. You wake up, still soaking, but now in an entirely different jacuzzi than before. A million purple orchids surround you on all sides, save for an opening on one end of the jacuzzi that extends into a jacuzzi river. The petals lift into the air in a dance that beckons you to finally let go of your shame. They form the face of a jacuzzi man you have now come to refer to as the Jacuzzi Man, and he bellows, “Come.” You are pulled into the river.
  6. 6. You wake up on the ground next to the jacuzzi at your friend’s uncle’s party. The uncle’s face is pressed right against yours as he is performing CPR. You gasp, coughing up a near-boiling, frothy liquid of whose origin you’ve now forgotten. “My god, we thought we’d lost you for a moment there,” says the uncle. A rotund, hairy man wearing a shirt that says “Soaksylvania” winks at you from across the yard before shuffling off into the woods. You blink, and the man has turned into a beautiful elk wearing a shirt that says “Soaksylvania.” “Well, are you all right? You seem confused,” asks the uncle.

  • Results for Would You Enjoy To See A Jacuzzi Man?

    You Would Enjoy To See A Jacuzzi Man!

    Yes, you two would have a nice soak together. Your journey is long, but open your eyes and you shall see jacuzzi man and you shall feel joy around you.

  • Results for Would You Enjoy To See A Jacuzzi Man?

    While You May Be Uncomfortable Seeing A Jacuzzi Man, It Is In Your Best Interest To Look.

    He will help you find what is wrong with your jacuzzi, and therefore, your soul. Be brave and look upon jacuzzi man. Your children, and your children's children, will thank you.

  • Results for Would You Enjoy To See A Jacuzzi Man?

    You Would Not Enjoy To See A Jacuzzi Man.

    Your soak with a jacuzzi man would be sour. Turn and run away from the party. Never speak to your friend or her uncle again. Change your name. Start anew. The life of a jacuzzi man is not the life you seek.
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