You Are Having A Quarter-Life Crisis

Congratulations! You are completely adrift in life and have no idea what you’re doing. Your dream of having a house and job and love and being vaguely satisfied with the general state of your existence will probably never happen. You have wasted the many opportunities you’ve received, and there’s nothing left to do but dwell on your regrets for the remaining 75 percent of your life until you are dead forever. Well done!

You Are Incredibly Successful, Gorgeous, Tall, Sexual, And Not Having A Quarter-Life Crisis

There are no problems in your life. You have the best job in the world, own the biggest house in the world, and are married to a beautiful spouse who feeds you all the omelets you crave. Mark Zuckerberg is renaming Facebook.com after you, because photos of you having a good time in Europe are the most popular thing on Facebook.com and the only thing making his website any money. You are healthy enough that you will live until scientists invent a pill that cures death, so you are not 25 percent done with life because you will live for all eternity growing ever more prosperous with each passing eon of the universe, and your LinkedIn page has many endorsements from colleagues who will attest to your project management skills.