Your BFF is Taylor Swift!

At first you think it’s fun that Taylor is asking to borrow your clothes. That’s what BFFs do! And what friends don’t share social security numbers? It is a little weird when she gets the same haircut as you and picks up your exact vocal inflections, but that’s just Taylor! You realize much too late that she is just gradually integrating herself into your job and your group of friends, and stealing your boyfriend, so gradually and expertly that no one notices. You don’t even really notice either, until your apartment keys no longer work, your bank accounts have been depleted of funds, and your friends and relatives refuse to talk to you because of lies spread by the “Teardrops On My Guitar” singer. You are alone in the world without a penny to your name, all thanks to being BFFs with Taylor Swift.

Your BFF is Jennifer Aniston!

Here’s one Friend you’d love to have! For a while at least. Remember that suitcase your best bud Jennifer gave you to “hold on to?” It actually contains a hard drive filled with sensitive documents for Chinese cyberterrorists. Your fingerprints are on it, and security camera footage places you at the factory where the handoff was supposed to occur. You will rot in jail as a traitor while your BFF Jennifer continues living her glamorous life pretending like this never happened.

Your BFF is Jennifer Lawrence!

You and JLaw love the outdoors and trying new things! So what if she makes you sign a contract saying you would never pursue a career in music, TV, or film, or try to upstage her in any way? When she suggests road-tripping to the desert, it’s like she took the words right out of your mouth! Yup, you and Katniss Everdeen are two peas in a pod, right up to the point where she asks you to check out the “strange noise” she keeps hearing under the hood and speeds away once you step out of the car into the remote, unforgiving desert. With the closest town 100 miles away, no cell service, and, wait, is this even a road? JLaw has ensured you will never be more famous than she is, because you’ll be dead by sunrise. And she’ll get away with it too.

Your BFF is Beyoncé!

Thanks to your mutual love of learning and self-improvement, you and Beyoncé would get along famously. You guys don’t need to be on the club scene; you’re just as happy wiling away the hours researching new ways to treat mitochondrial disorders. You and Bey are completely in tune, so pouring over case studies and experiments doesn’t feel like work. But when you read in The New England Journal Of Science that Bey has not only published your findings without consulting you, but also not credited you at all, you will realize that you were just a sap all along. And who is going to believe you? You’re not even famous.