Wrong! Your dad does erroneously think Michael Caine did one of the voices in Aladdin, but he does not think the British acting legend was in Pulp Fiction.

Wrong! While your dad is under the impression that there’s an actor out there named Tony Staguccio, he does not think he’s in Pulp Fiction. Your dad is pretty sure “Stagoots,” as he calls this entirely fictional person, came up with John Candy and had a similar shtick, but was typecast into a “real goofy role,” which he believes to be a shame.

Nope! Your dad knows that Denzel, born Denzel Hayes Washington Jr. on December 28, 1954, was not in Pulp Fiction, but nevertheless went on to win three Golden Globe Awards, a Tony Award, and two Academy Awards in his long and illustrious career. He says it all the time! Your dad would never fuck up a Denzel question. Your dad is wild about Denzel! In many ways, it is a burden for him!

Wrong! Your dad doesn’t even know who Kate Hudson is, so he definitely doesn’t think she’s in You, Me And Dupree. He has seen Almost Famous, but he can’t put the face to the name.

Your dad may be hazy on what actors were in which films, but he would never say that Jeff Garlin was in a movie. That’s not like him.

Wrong! Your dad knows Russell Crowe was not in You, Me and Dupree, because at that time, Russell Crowe was starring in American Gangster with Denzel Washington. Your dad knows American Gangster was filmed over a decade after Denzel’s first collaboration with Spike Lee in Mo’ Better Blues in 1990, but well before Denzel’s most recent award-winning performance in Fences. He never shuts up about it! His love of Denzel is maybe ruining his life!

No! Your dad thinks Lea Thompson is the woman from Whitesnake’s Here I Go Again music video, who he believes died on set after drinking water from a hose. Your pops gets pretty angry whenever he thinks about losing Lea Thompson so young, so it’s probably a good idea to keep that name to yourself. In any event, he’s pretty sure Will Patton is in Young Guns.

Wrong! While your dad is pretty sure Ol’ Mickey Alfredo is an actor who played the ghost that droned on and on about public school standardized testing in Field Of Dreams, he’s pretty certain that Will Patton is in Young Guns.

Sorry, but no! Your dad has somehow confused Nancy Kerrigan, the victim of the vicious attack from rival figure skater Tonya Harding just prior to the 1994 Olympics, as a voice actress, who is mostly known for doing the cartoon voices in animated films like Shrek and Kung Fu Panda. As for Young Guns, he feels confident that Will Patton is in that one. You are starting to think that maybe your dad thought the 1994 Olympics was a movie!

Wrong! Although your dad remembers reading somewhere that Scorsese himself discovered some actor named Big Sonny Menuzzio in a Hoboken deli beating a pastor half to death with a meat scale, which is a story that only exists in your dad’s head, he doesn’t think he’s the actor from The Departed.

Wrong! Your dad actually correctly thinks Jack Nicholson is in The Departed, even though he is confusing Jack Nicholson with Gene Hackman.

Nope! Your dad knows Val Kilmer was too busy dragging Denzel down in 2006’s Déjà Vu to be in The Departed. Your dad contends that, although it may not have been the best performance from the Training Day man, Val Kilmer’s shoddy acting torpedoed the project to depths unknown by Denzel before or since and has left an irremovable blemish on the otherwise stellar career of the American Conservatory Theater savant. He says it every day, even though you can tell in his eyes it’s entirely against his will!

Wrong! Even though Gullinger’s Last Adventure is not a movie that exists, your old man is nevertheless pretty sure that John Cusack starred in it. It’s impossible to know if your dad made up the film completely or if he’s confusing it with some other flick, but either way, he’s insisting that “the gory parking lot fight scene in Gullinger’s would never fly in a PC movie today, and that’s the problem.”

Wrong! While your dad does not believe there’s an actress named Amy Adams, he’s also pretty sure John Cusack starred in Gullinger’s Last Adventure, even though Gullinger’s Last Adventure is certainly a made-up movie that does not exist in any format, anywhere. It’s unclear if your dad is confusing Gullinger’s Last Adventure with another movie, but in any event, your old man says it was made back when Cusack was “shredded, before everyone started doing steroids, and the whole thing became fake.”

Wrong! Even though your dad swears that if Denzel had been cast in Gullinger’s Last Adventure, “it would easily be one of the top 10, maybe top five movies. Denzel is the only god I believe in, and I believe in the Christian god,” he’s actually pretty sure that John Cusack starred in the completely made-up, nonexistent film.