Did You Hear Why They Fired Principal Jannusky? | ClickHole

1. Check off every explanation you’ve heard:

I heard he threw a kid through the wall, and when they looked in the hole, the kid was gone.

I heard they caught him fucking the gymnasium.

I heard they found hundreds of illegal Damascus steel swords in his desk drawers.

I heard he tried to punctuate his point at a PTA meeting by doing an elbow drop onto the table.

I heard that mole on his face turned out to be cockroach eggs, and he sprayed the superintendent with baby roaches.

I heard he got overexcited at a varsity football game and assumed that, as principal, he was allowed to get a few tackles in.

I heard he backed his car over a pep rally.

I heard he used a school fire extinguisher to suffocate the mistress he’d moved into the boiler room.

I heard he sold drugs to buy his wife drugs.

I heard he hijacked Ms. Gershon’s sex-ed class to deliver a rambling 45-minute lecture about the pleasure nodes of the Rosicrucians.

I heard he was blackmailed into quitting by the gym teachers after he discovered their underground kiss-fighting club.

I heard he used a wood-shop belt sander to buff his penis to a mirror sheen.

I heard he baked the superintendent’s cat into empanadas for a PTA potluck.

I heard he embezzled from the debate team travel fund to buy teeth for his dental model of Big Ben.

I heard he levitated a few inches on Easter, and rotated.

I heard it turned out he’d been stuffing his bra the entire time.

I heard he tried to sell the school to our rival school.

I heard he was caught writing his name on top-scoring SAT answer sheets.

I heard they caught him using a corner of the playing fields to grow barley.

I heard he married one of the model skeletons, but they’re not sure which one.

I heard he showed off his haunches at a PTA meeting.

I heard he drowned in the locker-room shower.

I heard his Navy training kicked in when a girl sneezed weird, and he pulled her ear off.

Results for Did You Hear Why They Fired Principal Jannusky?

You Have No Idea Why They Fired Principal Jannusky!
What good are you? You've got as much good gossip to share as that junior who had the bottle rocket go up his nose and explode his brain last summer. Probably nobody wants to tell you anything because you've got a defect in your soul. Please leave.

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Results for Did You Hear Why They Fired Principal Jannusky?

You've Got A Pretty Good Sense Of Why They Fired Principal Jannusky!
Looks like somebody's got their finger lightly on the pulse of the student body! You've picked up on enough whisperings to probably know the reason Principal Jannusky got shit-canned, which shows you're a popular person that people like to talk to. That's a great thing to be, and when you get a chance, you should buy yourself a little treat.
Results for Did You Hear Why They Fired Principal Jannusky?

You Know All The Gossip About Principal Jannusky There Is!
Wow! You're knowledge made flesh, a walking encyclopedia of dirt on Principal Jannusky! When your mother gave birth to you, she had no idea that the soft, warm baby she held in her arms would one day trade its humanity for the cold, ethereal embrace of information, letting your muscles waste away as you gorge your brain on fact after fact, theory after theory! Hope it was worth it, Poindexter!