You're Hog Enough For The Pigs!

Break out your tail curler, because you're just what the swineherd ordered! You're hog as a Christmas ham, and the pigs can't wait to bed down with you in the barnyard muck. Human society may have shunned and feared you for your porcine ways, but the hogs accept you as one of their own. Get out there and oink it up!

You're Far Too Hog For The Pigs!

Christ almighty, you're something foul. You're like a disease coughed into a discarded human skin, somehow both the embodiment of hogness and far beyond what "hog" can even encompass! Good luck living with the pigs; they'd wither and hemorrhage if you got anywhere near them. Slither back to the gutter and dissolve in darkness, for everyone's sake!

You're Hardly Hog At All!

Well, hate to break it to you, guy, but you're just not all that hog. It's clear you're giving it the old college try, but take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if that's the face of a pig's kin. You're probably wearing tasseled loafers, for Christ's sake. You've got a good thing going walking upright and drinking Keurig, so why not embrace what you've got and leave the slop life to the real swine?

You're A Noble Centaur, Protector Of The Forests!

What a blessing! A radiant guardian of the woods, proud and shirtless, immortal and bold! You are only half a horse, yet your spirit surges with the pounding exuberance of the plains. You are only half a man, yet your soul soars with the lofty imaginings of our greatest minds. Thank you for gracing us with your hoofed presence, and may your glade be ever swollen with chlorophyll.