Can You Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Wa...

1. I won the Fire Safety Badge in 1997 due to my commitment to none other than fire safety. Unfortunately, it was stripped from me, never to be sewed to my Scout’s Vest again. Can you guess why this badge was revoked?

There was a fire, and instead of putting it out, I said, “Wait a second, let’s just see where this goes.”

Incorrect! I lost my Fire Safety Badge due to an email I sent to the Boy Scouts of America in 2013.

I put a roll of aluminum foil in the microwave for two straight days.

Incorrect! I lost my Fire Safety Badge due to an email I sent to the Boy Scouts of America in 2013.

When there was a small-scale riot on a camping trip, I behaved in such a manner that suggested to my fellow Scouts that perhaps a fire would be very good to start.

Incorrect! I lost my Fire Safety Badge due to an email I sent to the Boy Scouts of America in 2013.

I sent an email to the Boy Scouts of America with the subject line “An Honest Question” that said “What if fire extinguishers did not exist or how about if one was broken?”

Correct! I lost my Fire Safety Badge due to an email I sent to the Boy Scouts of America in 2013.
2. I earned the Robotics Badge thanks to my many years of commitment to robotics. Do you know how I somehow managed to destroy all this goodwill I had earned?

I accidentally dug up Isaac Asimov’s grave while trying to dig for something normal and forgot to put him back.

Correct! I lost my Robotics Badge because of something I did by accident just days after earning it. I have tried to appeal this badge removal on more than one occasion, to no avail.

I made a robot who screams “Does anyone know where a guy can get a bite to eat around here?” at the same rate as a human being normally breathes.

Incorrect! I lost my Robotics Badge because of a digging mishap I did by accident just days after earning it. I have tried to appeal this badge removal on more than one occasion, to no avail.

I got caught trying to microwave a second, smaller microwave.

Incorrect! I lost my Robotics Badge because of a digging mishap I did by accident just days after earning it. I have tried to appeal this badge removal on more than one occasion, to no avail.

I saw the world’s only conscious robot leaning over the side of a swimming pool looking at its reflection with wonder, and I pushed it in and it died.

Incorrect! I lost my Robotics Badge because of a digging mishap I did by accident just days after earning it. I have tried to appeal this badge removal on more than one occasion, to no avail.
3. The Archery Badge, which I earned in 1999 at the height of the Clinton impeachment trial, was one of my most prized possessions. But it’s gone now, and I still feel a great deal of pain at its loss. Why did that happen to me?

I shot a cop and a fireman and an ambulance and a horse and a second horse and a second fireman.

Wrong! I was a curious 2001 teen and wanted to play Hot Archery. Unfortunately, I was discovered placing my archery stuff in the microwave, and this was apparently not up to the strict archery standards of the Boy Scouts of America. I was just a curious teen—doesn’t that matter?

I held a class at the Adult Learning Annex called “How To Really Make A Disaster Of Things Using Archery.”

Wrong! I was a curious 2001 teen and wanted to play Hot Archery. Unfortunately, I was discovered placing my archery stuff in the microwave, and this was apparently not up to the strict archery standards of the Boy Scouts of America. I was just a curious teen—doesn’t that matter?

I put all my archery stuff in the microwave because I wanted to play Hot Archery.

Yes! I was a curious 2001 teen and wanted to play Hot Archery. Unfortunately, I was discovered placing my archery stuff in the microwave, and this was apparently not up to the archery standards of the Boy Scouts of America. I was just a curious teen—doesn’t that matter?

The reason has not been disclosed by Boy Scouts of America, fearing imitators.

Wrong! I was a curious 2001 teen and wanted to play Hot Archery. Unfortunately, I was discovered placing my archery stuff in the microwave, and this was apparently not up to the strict archery standards of the Boy Scouts of America. I was just a curious teen—doesn’t that matter?
4. This is the Scuba Diving Badge, one of the most sought-after Scout badges for any Boy Scout worth a hot damn. It, like all the badges I have earned, no longer lives on my Vest. Why?

A muckraking journalist discovered that the “ancient microwave” I had famously discovered while scuba diving was actually a fairly recent microwave that I had put down there in order to achieve scuba diving fame.

Wrong! God, did I ever make a mess of the ocean the last time I was down there. Why did I do this? It is so easy to not make a mess of the ocean, but I still did it anyway. I was angry about the loss of my many badges and took it out on the ocean. And all it did was make me lose another one, thanks to the tireless work of a muckraking journalist. It is mistakes like these that keep me up at night, haunting my dreams. Christ.

A muckraking journalist discovered that the only reason I learned how to scuba dive was so that I could try to convert other scuba divers to agnosticism.

Wrong! God, did I ever make a mess of the ocean the last time I was down there. Why did I do this? It is so easy to not make a mess of the ocean, but I still did it anyway. I was angry about the loss of my many badges and took it out on the ocean. And all it did was make me lose another one, thanks to the tireless work of a muckraking journalist. It is mistakes like these that keep me up at night, haunting my dreams. Christ.

A muckraking journalist discovered that I made a real mess of the ocean the last time I was down there.

Correct! God, did I ever make a mess of the ocean the last time I was down there. Why did I do this? It is so easy to not make a mess of the ocean, but I still did it anyway. I was angry about the loss of my many badges and took it out on the ocean. And all it did was make me lose another one, thanks to the tireless work of a muckraking journalist. It is mistakes like these that keep me up at night, haunting my dreams. Christ.

Clerical error.

Wrong! God, did I ever make a mess of the ocean the last time I was down there. Why did I do this? It is so easy to not make a mess of the ocean, but I still did it anyway. I was angry about the loss of my many badges and took it out on the ocean. And all it did was make me lose another one, thanks to the tireless work of a muckraking journalist. It is mistakes like these that keep me up at night, haunting my dreams. Christ.
5. I earned the Art Badge in spite of my Scoutmaster’s pleas to the contrary. “He will only use the Art Badge to make me upset!” he would wail all night and day. The Boy Scouts of America would not believe him because I had so many nobly earned badges, but he was right. That’s all I wanted to do, because I was going through the classic teenager phase of Angry At Authority. I got the badge and then did my misdeed, causing them to immediately take my badge away and also give him $350 in grievance fees. Even though I wanted the badge for malicious reasons, I still cringe when I remember its absence. So! Can you guess what I did to my Scoutmaster to get my Art Badge removed?

I made a painting where my Scoutmaster is at the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ and everyone is seated except for him, as he’s giving a standing ovation and slapping together two Thundersticks.

Correct! I used my rowdy teen energy to take down my Scoutmaster through the artistic act of painting. When I revealed the painting to him, he started to wail, and the Boy Scouts of America got wind of it and ripped the badge off my Vest—and rightfully so.

I made a sculpture where my Scoutmaster is sneezing directly into the open mouth of a second version of my Scoutmaster.

Incorrect! I used my rowdy teen energy to take down my Scoutmaster through the artistic act of painting. When I revealed the painting to him, he started to wail, and the Boy Scouts of America got wind of it and ripped the badge off my Vest—and rightfully so.

I Photoshopped a picture of my Scoutmaster so that he was reading his own obituary, while a speech bubble appeared over his head that said “The banana from the front cover of The Velvet Underground & Nico is a picture of a real banana, and it’s still okay to eat as long as you put it in the microwave.”

Incorrect! I used my rowdy teen energy to take down my Scoutmaster through the artistic act of painting. When I revealed the painting to him, he started to wail, and the Boy Scouts of America got wind of it and ripped the badge off my Vest—and rightfully so.

I performed a conceptual art piece called “It Is I, My Scoutmaster” that consisted of me sitting in the middle of the forest and eating bugs and grass well beyond the point of getting sick.

Incorrect! I used my rowdy teen energy to take down my Scoutmaster through the artistic act of painting. When I revealed the painting to him, he started to wail, and the Boy Scouts of America got wind of it and ripped the badge off my Vest—and rightfully so.
6. I had a Nature Badge, and by now you can probably guess what happened to it. If you are unable to guess, I’ll just tell you: It got revoked. Can you guess why?

I sewed a bird feather to a leaf and pretended that I had discovered a new type of bee.

Wrong! I was just so tired after all these years, after all my mistakes and blunders, and I needed a place to sit down. Of course, had I known that my Nature Badge—my last badge—would get removed in the process, I never would have cleared that land. The world keeps beating me down when it comes to having badges, and even when I’m trying to help myself, I mess up. I just can’t win when it comes to badges. I’m doing pretty all right otherwise.

When a representative from the Boy Scouts of America was touring our camp, I looked at a basketball and said, “Ah, now there’s something that occurs naturally in nature.”

Wrong! I was just so tired after all these years, after all my mistakes and blunders, and I needed a place to sit down. Of course, had I known that my Nature Badge—my last badge—would get removed in the process, I never would have cleared that land. The world keeps beating me down, and even when I’m trying to help myself, I mess up. I just can’t win.

I had 50,000 square feet of rainforest cleared so that I could have a place to sit down and rest my feet.

Yes! I was just so tired after all these years, after all my mistakes and blunders, and I needed a place to sit down. Of course, had I known that my Nature Badge—my last badge—would get removed in the process, I never would have cleared that land. The world keeps beating me down, and even when I’m trying to help myself, I mess up. I just can’t win.

I put a grape in the microwave.

Wrong! I was just so tired after all these years, after all my mistakes and blunders, and I needed a place to sit down. Of course, had I known that my Nature Badge—my last badge—would get removed in the process, I never would have cleared that land. The world keeps beating me down, and even when I’m trying to help myself, I mess up. I just can’t win.

Results for Can You Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Was Revoked From Me?

You Cannot Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Was Revoked From Me!
You did poorly on this quiz, and honestly, that’s okay. I’m glad you don’t know too much about this. No one deserves to know about it, much less go through it. I’ve made so many mistakes over the years regarding Scout badges, and although I feel that many of the reasons I got them taken away stemmed from accidents, I still deserve to suffer the consequences. That’s just the Boy Scout way. It’s what I signed up for. Still, though, Boy Scouts was so important to me growing up, and now there’s no evidence that it was ever in my world. It feels so terrible, even though my life is pretty good right now, what with my wife and my newborn daughter and my fun job at Lockheed Martin manufacturing weapons. Whenever I see that empty Vest in my closet, it’s hard not to shed a tear. Real hard.

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Results for Can You Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Was Revoked From Me?

You Can Sort Of Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Was Revoked From Me!
You did okay when it came to matching the Scout badge to the reason it was revoked from me. You know a little bit about my trials and tribulations, but not a whole lot. That’s okay. I’m glad you don’t know everything. I’ve made so many mistakes over the years regarding Scout badges, and although I feel that many of the reasons I got them taken away stemmed from accidents, I still deserve to suffer the consequences. That’s just the Boy Scout way. It’s what I signed up for. Still, though, Boy Scouts was so important to me growing up, and now there’s no evidence that it was ever in my world. It feels so terrible, even though my life is pretty good right now, what with my wife and my newborn daughter and my fun job at Lockheed Martin manufacturing weapons. Whenever I see that empty Vest in my closet, it’s hard not to shed a tear. It’s really hard. Real hard.
Results for Can You Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Was Revoked From Me?

You Can Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Was Revoked From Me!
Well, congratulations. You know the complete story of what I have done to myself, Scout badge–wise. I’m not really thrilled about that, to be honest. If it were up to me, no one would know. I’ve made so many mistakes over the years regarding Scout badges. Although I feel that many of the reasons I got them taken away stemmed from accidents, I still deserve to suffer the consequences. That’s just the Boy Scout way. It’s what I signed up for. Still, though, Boy Scouts was so important to me growing up, and now there’s no evidence that it was ever in my world. It feels so terrible, even though my life is pretty good right now, what with my wife and my newborn daughter and my fun job at Lockheed Martin manufacturing weapons. Whenever I see that empty Vest in my closet, it’s hard not to shed a tear. It’s really hard.

Results for Can You Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Was Revoked From Me?

You Cannot Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Was Revoked From Me!

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Results for Can You Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Was Revoked From Me?

You Can Sort Of Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Was Revoked From Me!

Results for Can You Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Was Revoked From Me?

You Can Match The Scout Badge To The Reason It Was Revoked From Me!