1. 1. The picture of the muscular Tommy is wonderful. Those who are worthy of seeing it have their lives changed forever. In fact, why bother with these trials? If you select choice B on this question, we’ll show you the muscular Tommy right now! You won’t even have to prove yourself.

    Well done. You have chosen wisely and demonstrated patience and restraint. You may well prove yourself worthy of looking at the muscular Tommy.

    Fool. Only the impertinent and selfish would seek to view the muscular Tommy Pickles before they have proven themselves worthy. Your impatience will cost you dearly. Hopefully you perform better in the trials ahead.

  2. 2. Consider the following scenario:

    You are walking alone down the street, and you find a picture of muscular Tommy Pickles. The brave baby’s biceps are throbbing beautifully, and the veins in his neck are bulging. Looking at it is wonderful and terrifying. There doesn’t seem to be anybody around to claim it.

    What do you do?

    Your selfishness is revolting. You would hoard the picture of muscular Tommy Pickles although it isn’t yours? Perhaps you are not worthy of seeing the picture of the strong baby…

    A noble choice! Your restraint and ability to resist temptation mark you as an individual of great distinction. Perhaps you are worthy of seeing our picture of the strong baby.

    Coward! You would just abandon the precious picture of strong Tommy Pickles to the elements? What if it started to rain? What if a villain discovered it just lying there? This choice demonstrates weak moral character and a poor sense of duty. Perhaps you are not worthy of seeing the picture of the muscular baby.

  3. 3. Only the most honorable men and women are permitted to gaze upon the picture of Tommy Pickles’ baby face sitting upon a baby-sized body exploding with muscle. There are certain qualities that these individuals must possess. What do you think is the most important character trait for someone hoping to gaze upon the muscular Tommy Pickles?

    Your lust for power has revealed the corruption in your heart. This is not a choice worthy of the majestic picture of muscular Tommy Pickles.

    How arrogant! You truly believe it’s possible to understand every hidden secret and ineffable truth hidden within the picture of muscular Tommy Pickles? You have shown yourself to be woefully naïve. Perhaps this picture is not for you.

    Well chosen! We can only hope to bask in the presence of the muscular Tommy Pickles with a reverent, humble awe. Through our silent study of the strong baby, we achieve a deep, though eternally incomplete, understanding of nature’s mysteries.

    You duplicitous fiend. You would seek to become hailed as a modern-day Prometheus and reveal the muscular Tommy Pickles to those who are neither deserving nor prepared to gaze upon its majesty? Your pretense of generosity is a selfish lust for glory in disguise.

  4. 4. In addition to the picture of Tommy Pickles with his muscles bulging out of his diaper, we have a picture of Tommy’s mother, Didi Pickles, eating Chuckie Finster alive. Chuckie screams as Didi bites into his abdomen like an apple. Her eyes are blank and expressionless. It is beautiful. Would you like to see this picture in addition to the picture of muscular Tommy Pickles?

    Your greed truly knows no bounds. The incredible picture of muscular Tommy Pickles should be enough for you. How disgraceful. Your moral decrepitude shall not be rewarded with the resplendent picture of Didi Pickles consuming the flesh of Chuckie Finster.

    You have demonstrated admirable restraint. The picture of muscular Tommy Pickles is more than enough for you, and soon you may see it.

  5. 5. Consider the following scenario:

    There is a train racing down the tracks toward a man holding a picture of muscular Tommy Pickles. You are standing near a lever which, if pulled, will cause the train to switch tracks and avoid hitting the man holding the picture of muscular Tommy Pickles. However, the train will switch to a new track and kill five people who are not holding pictures of muscular Tommy Pickles.

    What do you do?

    A wise and well-considered choice! The man who is holding the picture of muscular Tommy Pickles is inherently superior to the people who are not holding such a picture, and his life is more precious. Your choice sacrifices the lives of people who aren’t even holding a picture of the brave Tommy bursting with muscles so that a noble man who is holding such a picture might live. Well done!

    This is the choice of a small-minded, weak-willed person. The five people whose lives you would save aren’t even holding a picture of muscular Tommy Pickles! The man who is holding the picture is inherently superior to those who are not holding the picture, and his life is more precious. Worse still, allowing the train to kill the man holding the picture would potentially damage the wonderful picture of Tommy Pickles with his muscles bulging out of his diaper. This was a disgusting choice.

  6. 6. We have now reached your final trial. This is the ultimate test. Good luck, and may the purity of your soul guide you down the correct path.

    Imagine that you are awoken in the night by a sorcerer of esteemed power. The sorcerer says to you, “Behold! I have the power to bring everlasting peace to the world. I will clothe the naked and feed the hungry. I will heal the sick and comfort the grieving. I shall rid the world of all want, all war, and all injustice, and mankind will live in paradise forever. All I ask in return is that you take this picture of muscular Tommy Pickles and sit on it, thereby disgracing the picture and making it foul.”

    What do you do?

    This is the choice of the misguided and the weak. A truly wise individual understands that noble ends are meaningless when achieved through foul means. What good is everlasting peace if you must desecrate the picture of muscular Tommy Pickles to achieve it? This is not the choice of one who is worthy of looking at the picture of muscular Tommy Pickles.

    You have chosen wisely! You understand that everlasting peace is meaningless if this noble end is achieved through means as foul as desecrating the picture of muscular Tommy Pickles by sitting on it. This choice suggests that you possess wisdom and a noble spirit. There is a chance that you are worthy of seeing the picture of muscular Tommy Pickles…

  • Results for Only The Pure Of Heart May See Our Picture Of Muscular Tommy Pickles

    You Are Worthy Of Seeing The Picture Of Muscular Tommy Pickles!

    How splendid! You have performed admirably in these trials and proven yourself to possess a pure heart and noble soul. You are worthy of looking at our picture of muscular Tommy Pickles. Gaze long upon it and contemplate its power. It is endlessly beautiful. It is endlessly powerful. It is muscular Tommy Pickles, and you have joined the hallowed ranks of the esteemed few who may gaze upon him. May the throbbing biceps of the courageous baby bring you wisdom and peace.

  • Results for Only The Pure Of Heart May See Our Picture Of Muscular Tommy Pickles

    You Are Only Worthy Of This Picture Of Tommy Pickles With His Grandfather’s Head

    How disappointing. Your performance in these trials has proven that your soul is impure. You do not deserve to look at our picture of muscular Tommy Pickles; you are only worthy of this picture of Tommy Pickles with the head of his grandfather, Lou Pickles. Let this image be an eternal reminder of your moral failings and the fact that you were not worthy of seeing the muscular Tommy Pickles. Goodbye.

  • Results for Only The Pure Of Heart May See Our Picture Of Muscular Tommy Pickles

    Your Villainous Nature Shall Be Punished With This Picture Of Roger Klotz Making Out With Stu Pickles

    Horrifying. Your dreadful performance in these trials has proven that you have a villainous soul and a perfidious heart. Your foul nature will be punished with nothing less than this picture of Roger Klotz making out with Stu Pickles, Tommy’s father. Look upon this picture often, and allow the passion of Roger and Stu’s embrace to wash over you and torment your mind forever. This image shall be the emblem of your own wickedness and a constant reminder of your profound moral bankruptcy. You will never see our picture of muscular Tommy Pickles. You are far from worthy. Get out of our sight.
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