Are You Going To Be Able To Control Yourself At T...

1. How are you getting to the planetarium?: I am going to calmly walk there with my left hand in my left pocket and my right hand behind my head.; I am going to black out from excitement at my house and wake up splayed on top of the planetarium’s projector.; I am going to sprint down the middle of the freeway while whispering “I own the planets…I recently bought all of them for $22,000” to myself and most of the cars.; Either by boat or by truck.

2. At the very thought of being near a planetarium, what is your reaction?: The shriek of one calm adult.; The shriek of 30 neutral lunatics.; The shriek of 10,000 dead rowdy bus drivers.; Immediate collapse.

3. Be honest: Can you look at something like this and stay calm?: Yes. I am currently blinking and breathing and coughing as if I am normal.; No. This monstrosity is one of the planets I own, and I am incapable of not completely losing my goddamn mind about it. I am currently going through my fridge and shaking up all my sodas.; Unclear. I am sitting perfectly still like someone who is calm, but at the same time, I am thinking about what it would be like to give the type of standing ovation that gets me Tased.; Pass.

4. What is something that could happen during the show that would make you go instantly bonkers?: If there is the Milky Way.; If the sun winks at the crowd during the musical opener and says “Welcome to space, dipshit.”; If Neil deGrasse Tyson spends 45 minutes whirling his arm around while shouting “I think I’m making a black hole!”; Honestly, the show is my least favorite part of being at the planetarium.

5. Complete the following sentence: When I see Saturn, I will _______.: silently pump my fist; loudly sob; silently pump my fist and loudly sob; stand on my seat and shout “That’s mine! That’s Mars, and I own it!”

6. Worst-case scenario, do you have a plan for if/when you lose all sense of decency in the planetarium?: Yes, I found a syringe recently, and I’m going to jam that into my thigh.; No, life is for living, and sometimes living includes becoming totally unhinged at the planetarium and maybe even once or twice at the zoo.

7. Let’s say that, God forbid, there’s a heckler at the planetarium, and they shout something like “Fake!” or “Galaxies are for rednecks!” How would you react?: I would become so delirious with anger that I would accidentally repeat what the heckler said word for word. Then I’d spend the remainder of the show attempting to redeem myself by trying to rip my seat out of the ground.; I would be so calm that someone would have to take me to the hospital.; I would abandon my religion, even if it is one that I really like. For example, Roman Catholicism.; I am unable to answer because I threw my computer against the wall after reading “Let’s say that.”

8. When the show ends and you are told that it’s time to leave the planetarium, what are you going to do?: I am going to have a calm meltdown.; I am going to chain myself to the projector and wear a sign that says “The planetarium is my house now.”; I am going to call the police.; I am going to sprint down the freeway and whisper “I just saw the planets that I own…I bought them for $22,000, and I am thinking about selling them to NASA” to myself and all the cars.

Results for Are You Going To Be Able To Control Yourself At The Planetarium?