1. 1. This is Raymond. His wife passed away over 15 years ago, but it hasn’t gotten any easier with time. How would you like to cheer him up?

    Oh, great, look what you did—now he’s even more miserable than before! He’s banging a television remote against his head to dull the grief, causing the TV to skip around to all of his dead wife’s favorite shows, making him sadder and sadder by the second.

    Oh, great, look what you did—now he’s even more miserable than before! He’s banging a television remote against his head to dull the grief, causing the TV to skip around to all of his dead wife’s favorite shows, making him sadder and sadder by the second.

    Oh, great, look what you did—now he’s even more miserable than before! He’s banging a television remote against his head to dull the grief, causing the TV to skip around to all of his dead wife’s favorite shows, making him sadder and sadder by the second.

    Wow, that really did the trick! Raymond enjoyed sitting in the Dodge Durango very much, and it helped him take his mind off of his wife, who died after a child threw a basketball at her head too hard.

  2. 2. Here’s Lawrence. His wife passed away a little over a year ago, and he’s still beyond devastated. Do what you can to cheer him up.

    Lawrence is smiling big time, because now he has something damp he can keep in his breast pocket! This will definitely help him cope with the absence of his wife, who died after misplacing her glasses and blindly wandering into an electric chair.

    Hoo boy. You made Lawrence feel so much worse. Now he is walking around and crying on all his houseplants, wilting them.

    Hoo boy. You made Lawrence feel so much worse. Now he is walking around and crying on all his houseplants, wilting them.

    Hoo boy. You made Lawrence feel so much worse. Now he is walking around and crying on all his houseplants, wilting them.

  3. 3. This is Joe. Ever since his wife passed away three years ago, he’s felt alone and joyless, unsure how to carry on without the love of his life. But there’s one thing that never fails to make him happy, and that’s a big ice cream sundae with hot fudge on top. Think you can cheer him up?

    Way to go! You did the exact thing we told you to do, and now Joe can enjoy a much-needed respite from grieving over his wife, who died after inhaling too hard when a knife was near her face.

    Come on! We couldn’t have made it more explicitly clear that all he wanted was an ice cream sundae, but you somehow managed to goof that up. Now, the poor guy’s Googling pictures of ice cream sundaes and crying up a storm because he didn’t get to eat one.

    Come on! We couldn’t have made it more explicitly clear that all he wanted was an ice cream sundae, but you somehow managed to goof that up. Now, the poor guy’s Googling pictures of ice cream sundaes and crying up a storm because he didn’t get to eat one.

    Come on! We couldn’t have made it more explicitly clear that all he wanted was an ice cream sundae, but you somehow managed to goof that up. Now, the poor guy’s Googling pictures of ice cream sundaes and crying up a storm because he didn’t get to eat one.

  4. 4. Floyd here has been absolutely heartsick since his wife passed away back in 2001. He’s retired now, and with little to occupy his time, he usually spends his days just counting down the minutes until he can go to bed. Maybe you can bring a smile to his face.

    Yikes. You just made things worse, and now he is fashioning himself a crown of thorns to accessorize his grief.

    Yikes. You just made things worse, and now he is fashioning himself a crown of thorns to accessorize his grief.

    Yikes. You just made things worse, and now he is fashioning himself a crown of thorns to accessorize his grief.

    Beautiful! Floyd looks happy for the first time in years. Knowing that his dead wife is up to date on all the latest Dodge Durango news will help him move past the horrible way she died, which was sunbathing in an empty field where United Flight 93 just happened to crash on top of her.

  5. 5. Here is Virgil. His wife of 53 years passed away this July, and he couldn’t be more sad. It’s up to you to brighten up his day.

    Great. You really bummed him out. He’s crying so hard now that one of his eyes just popped out, and then he accidentally slammed it in the microwave and started cooking it.

    Virgil cannot contain his glee! Seeing the immense vegetable fall off the television and land with a thud has distracted him from thinking about his wife, who died after opening an umbrella too quickly and knocking her head off.

    Great. You really bummed him out. He’s crying so hard now that one of his eyes just popped out, and then he accidentally slammed it in the microwave and started cooking it.

    Great. You really bummed him out. He’s crying so hard now that one of his eyes just popped out, and then he accidentally slammed it in the microwave and started cooking it.

  6. 6. Walter here is a wreck. He misses his late wife, Sarah, so much, and he desperately needs someone to cheer him up.

    Sheesh. The videotape you showed Walter made him extremely upset—so upset that he wandered out to his backyard and is now glumly digging himself a grave with a McFlurry spoon.

    Sheesh. The videotape you showed Walter made him extremely upset—so upset that he wandered out to his backyard and is now glumly digging himself a grave with a McFlurry spoon.

    Sheesh. The videotape you showed Walter made him extremely upset—so upset that he wandered out to his backyard and is now glumly digging himself a grave with a McFlurry spoon.

    You’ve done it! Looking at dead movie star John Candy makes Walter laugh and clap, and gives him a rare break from mourning his wife, who died after holding a mop that had cancer on it.

  7. 7. This is Nelson. He’s been living all alone since his wife passed in 1999, and he could use a little bit of happiness.

    You really went about that all wrong. Now, he is so sad that when you thwack him on the forehead with a Popsicle stick, he doesn’t even flinch.

    You really went about that all wrong. Now, he is so sad that when you thwack him on the forehead with a Popsicle stick, he doesn’t even flinch.

    Feeling the warm metal sliding against his leg makes Nelson squirm with joy. This is the happiest he’s been since losing his wife, who died after he shot her with a gun.

    You really went about that all wrong. Now, he is so sad that when you thwack him on the forehead with a Popsicle stick, he doesn’t even flinch.

  8. 8. Here is Phillip. It’s been a somber few years for him since his wife died, and it’d be great if you could cheer him up.

    Well, that went terribly. Now, the poor guy’s just sitting there staring listlessly at the wall, and you could probably rob his house without him even noticing. That’s how sad he is.

    Well, that went terribly. Now, the poor guy’s just sitting there staring listlessly at the wall, and you could probably rob his house without him even noticing. That’s how sad he is.

    Well, that went terribly. Now, the poor guy’s just sitting there staring listlessly at the wall, and you could probably rob his house without him even noticing. That’s how sad he is.

    Phillip closes his eyes and thinks about these different nice thoughts, and then a big smile spreads across his face. You can tell that he is no longer dwelling on his deceased wife, who died trying to prove that tornadoes are nice.

  • Results for Can You Cheer Up These Lonely Widowers?

    You Are Very Skilled At Cheering Up Sad Old Men

    The men...you have made them so happy! They don’t care anymore that their wives are dead, because now they’ve got something much better: big smiles on their faces. You’re an angel, and the American people thank you.

  • Results for Can You Cheer Up These Lonely Widowers?

    You Are Just Okay At Cheering Up Miserable Old Men

    You gave it the ol’ college try, but you just didn’t do as good of a job as you probably could have. Many of the men are still sad. If we’re being real here, several of them might honestly kill themselves. We’re not saying it will be your fault, because it will be the fault of their wives for dying.

  • Results for Can You Cheer Up These Lonely Widowers?

    You Are Downright Lousy At Cheering Up Heartbroken Old Men

    Oof. It is truly breathtaking how bad you are at things like empathy and kindness and human decency. Your attempts at cheering up these sorry old widowers could not have been more misguided, and in turn, you ushered considerably more pain and sorrow into their tragically pitiful lives.
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