How Many Of These Mall Santas Have You Visited? | ClickHole

1. Check off all the mall Santas you’ve paid a visit to:

The one who puts down plastic under his chair

The one who offers kids unwrapped Halls

The one with the voice like ceramic wind chimes in a tumble dryer

The one who sleeps there

The one with baby teeth

The Vietnamese one in Timberland boots

Husky teen Santa

The one with the high, thin cough

The one with transition contact lenses

The one who holds the children lightly by the hair

The one who snacks from a shallow bowl of salt nibs

The one who caught a fly out of the air and put it in his pocket

The one who insists that Santa’s catchphrase is “Hey, hey, hey”

Dead Zone Santa

The one who trashed that Teavana

The one in the shiatsu chair

Dark Santa

The one without nipples

Santeria Santa

The one without honor

The one who diaries between every kid

The one who drives a Hummer with a horse trailer

The one with cruel eyes

Sexpot Santa

The one in Argentine leather

The one who doesn’t necessarily lay eggs

The one who refers to Christmas as “when the final battle begins”

The one who dresses up his dialysis machine like an elf

The one with two eyepatches

The one they can’t fire

Results for How Many Of These Mall Santas Have You Visited?

You’ve Barely Visited Any Mall Santas!
Honestly, though, that’s okay. With all the errands you’ve got to run over the holidays, time is at a premium. Not everyone has the luxury of hopping from Santa to Santa free as they please. Don’t be too hard on yourself!

Share Your Results
Results for How Many Of These Mall Santas Have You Visited?

You’ve Visited A Few Mall Santas!
Hey! You’ve carved out some time to see some Santas! What was wrong with the first one, by the way? Were you looking for second opinions by hopping from Santa to Santa? Take some time to consider what it is you really want out of the world—and whether you could find those things in yourself!

Share Your Results
Results for How Many Of These Mall Santas Have You Visited?

You’ve Visited A Whole Heap Of Santas!
Lord, but you’ve been hitting the Santa circuit hard! You’ve visited just about every mall Santa there is! That’s downright compulsive behavior, friend! The holidays can be tough, so please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to!

Share Your Results

I am 18 or over and willing to view sexually explicit material