Please Take 2 Minutes And Complete This Beverage ... | ClickHole

1. Please indicate whether the following statement is true or false: You have received a beverage.

The statement is true.

The statement is somewhat true.

The statement is false.

The statement is somewhat false.
2. Did the beverage arrive on time?

Yes, the beverage arrived on time.

The beverage arrived five minutes early.

The beverage arrived five minutes late.

The beverage has not yet arrived and I am still waiting for the beverage to arrive.
3. How big of an effect would you say the arrival time of your beverage had on your pleasure?

Big effect on my pleasure.

Medium effect on my pleasure.

Small effect on my pleasure.

Negligible effect on my pleasure.
4. Once again, thank you for participating in this beverage pleasure survey. It is important that you answer the following question as honestly as possible in order to ensure that we are able to improve beverage pleasure in the future. Your identity will remain anonymous. Please respond to the following question:How would you describe your beverage pleasure?

Intense beverage pleasure.

An irresponsible amount of pleasure with the beverage.

No pleasure at all.

Intense displeasure resulting in several days of over-the-top wailing and wringing of hands.
5. The survey is nearly complete. Thank you for your time. Now, please indicate whether the following word is an accurate description of your pleasure: “Crisp.”

The word “crisp” is the most accurate description of my beverage pleasure.

Like most words beginning with the letter “c,” “crisp” could certainly be used to describe my pleasure with the beverage in question.

Perhaps “bulbous” would more accurately describe my pleasure.

They have not yet created a word that is rude enough to approximate my abysmal beverage pleasure.
6. Which PleasureLad® delivered your beverage?

It was Thomas.

It was Dodson.

It was Vincent.

Him.
7. To the best of your ability, please indicate the mood of the PleasureLad® upon delivery of the beverage.

Cheerful.

Extremely cheerful.

Mildly irritable.

Despondent.
8. Each PleasureLad® is required to sing the following song:

Pleasure, Pleasure, beverage time.
Have a beverage, feeling fine.
Have. Have. Have it.
A beverage is something you have.

Did the PleasureLad® sing this for you?

He did sing it.

It is true that he sang it, but poorly.

He did not sing it. He spoke these words to me.

He did not sing or speak it. He put me in a headlock and told me two lies about calories.
9. You are almost done with the beverage pleasure survey. Thank you for your time. Please answer this final question: Would you be interested in having another beverage at some later point in time?

Yes. In fact, a PleasureLad® is handing me one right now.

It is somewhat probable that I would try a beverage again, perhaps in the twilight of my life.

Please consider this a threat: I will not be having another beverage today.

I would like to reiterate at this point that my beverage has not yet arrived.
10. Thank you for completing this beverage pleasure survey. The following is the final question for the survey: Overall, how would you rate your beverage pleasure?

4

Two Stars

“Crisp”

Not applicable

Results for Please Take 2 Minutes And Complete This Beverage Pleasure Survey

Your Responses Indicate Minimal-To-Nonexistent Beverage Pleasure
It is extremely distressing to us that your survey results indicate that your beverage pleasure was extremely minimal. This is unacceptable, and we must assure you that we are working to rectify the inadequacies that you experienced so as to ensure future beverages result in large and intense amounts of pleasure. Thank you for completing this survey, and good luck in your future beverage experiences.

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Results for Please Take 2 Minutes And Complete This Beverage Pleasure Survey

Your Responses Indicate Moderate Beverage Pleasure
According to your survey responses, your beverage pleasure was relatively moderate. We appreciate your honesty in completing this beverage pleasure survey, and we look forward to improving the beverage experience so that future beverages may result in more ecstatic amounts of disgusting pleasure. Thank you, and we apologize if this beverage has ruined your life.

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Results for Please Take 2 Minutes And Complete This Beverage Pleasure Survey

Your Responses Indicate Extremely High Beverage Pleasure
Congratulations! The responses that you have submitted indicate that your beverage pleasure was extremely high! This is the result we continually strive for, and your completion of this survey will help us ensure that all beverage experiences are extremely high in pleasure. Thank you for your time, and we hope your next beverage experience is as bloated with pleasure as your survey responses indicate that this one was. Goodnight.

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