Are You High-Maintenance?

1. Check off everything that applies to you:

As an infant I cried throughout my whole third trimester.

If no one calls me every hour, I shriek.

I constantly position myself in front of my partner’s eyes to avoid the possibility of them looking lustfully at anyone else.

I can tie my shoes, but I need my shoes tied.

I gifted my partner a Fitbit so that I could track their movements.

I log read receipt timestamps in Microsoft Excel and chart regressions.

I have somehow suffered from postpartum depression since I was 6.

If you ever tell me, “It’s going to be okay,” I will ask you to say it twice more.

I trained myself to sleep facing my partner with one eye open.

It was cheaper to have my shoulder blades modified so I could give myself back massages than it was to keep paying for massages.

I wait with a knife to my neck refreshing flight arrival statuses until my partner lets me know their plane’s landed safely.

My most successful relationship was the two years I spent with a backscratcher.

My significant other refers to me as “the old ball and chain” with real pain in their eyes.

If my partner were having a stroke, I would beg them to tell me that it’s not my fault.

The majority of movies I’ve seen, I’ve watched reflected in a partner’s eyes.

I always accompany my partner to the bathroom, because you just never know.

If I got broken up with again I would die, because the first time I was broken up with I cut myself in half, and now I only have one half left.

I choose to not eat food I’m allergic to.

I only tried cocaine once, because it turns out compliments have the same effect on me.

Results for Are You High-Maintenance?

You Are Low-Maintenance!
Wow! You barely need any attention at all! You are basically an obelisk of a human being, freestanding and inert. If you’re dying alone, your last words will probably be “I don’t mind this one bit!”

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Results for Are You High-Maintenance?

You Are Medium-Maintenance
Straight down the middle! Not too little, not too much! You are basically a regular person, with nothing particularly notable about you. Enjoy your milquetoast existence!

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Results for Are You High-Maintenance?

You Are High-Maintenance
Whoa! You’re a human time bomb! You probably didn’t even need a quiz to tell you that, but you took one anyway so that you could hear what you already know! That’s incredibly high-maintenance behavior! Jesus Christ!

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Results for Are You High-Maintenance?

You Are Low-Maintenance!

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Results for Are You High-Maintenance?

You Are Medium-Maintenance

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Results for Are You High-Maintenance?

You Are High-Maintenance

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