Are You Addicted To Lunch?

I once hired a skywriter to write “Lunch is the second meal of the day, and that’s all there is to it.” I paid him $6,000 per word even though he only asked me for $30 to write the whole sentence.

I consider America’s national pastime to be shaking your fist at the Northern Lights and shouting “You would be more beautiful if you were Lunch instead of some kind of gorgeous neon sky miracle!”

When first I heard that our beloved president Abraham Lincoln had been slain by an attractive coward, I fell to my knees and cried out “Alas! It is Breakfast Time in my soul!” Then I immediately went to sleep on the floor.

Results for Are You Addicted To Lunch?

You Are Addicted To Lunch!
This is the greatest ecstasy mankind can ever know! It turns out that you are completely addicted to Lunch! Lunch is the only meal you ever eat, and when you think about Lunch, you say, “Ah ha! Yes! Very good! Nice!” It’s amazing to inhabit the same galaxy as a complete Lunch Addict like you! Pure, violent joy is thrashing around our human bodies right now, turning our important organs into a frail syrup that even the army is afraid of! You are a beautiful Lunch Hero. You’re never going to die, but you’re still getting sent to Hell!

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You Are The Shame Admiral!
What sort of heinous acts did we commit in our previous lives to deserve this wild new tragedy? It turns out that you are none other than The Shame Admiral himself, the Harbinger Of Breakfast. You are a direct descendant of Winston Churchill, and your Breakfast-related deeds make the ghost of Winston Churchill jump off of Heaven’s diving board straight into Hell. You have three tusks, which is great. When the adult teens and the adult children want to eat Lunch, you swoop in with your evil Breakfast arsenal of Morning Cakes and Sun Porks and make all the innocent Lunch Lovers chow down on Breakfast instead. You are an affront to nature, and it is bad that you exist.

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You Are Owen The Travesty!
What bold new disaster has the world chosen to throw our way this time? According to this quiz, you are none other than Owen The Travesty, the unredeemable servant of Darkmeal, the Food From The End. When the world is nighttime because of darkness, you are the one who sneaks out of the cracks in the earth to bring heaping piles of beef and Cornish hens to the undeserving masses. The world cries out for Lunch, and yet you stuff its wailing mouth full of Darkmeal. You are Owen The Travesty, and we will never stop hating you.

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You Are Only A Little Bit Addicted To Lunch!
This is not great, but it is also not terrible! You are a tiny bit addicted to Lunch, the Food From Between. The sight of a sandwich makes you shrug and smile at the same time, and when it is Noon, you are often heard to say “Whatever.” Your thoughts sometimes turn to Lunch, but they are not consumed by Lunch in the way that they should be. Everybody dies except you! Congratulations!

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You Possess A Beautiful Love For Lunch!
Unfathomable joy is ripping our guts apart right now! According to this quiz, you possess a healthy, beautiful devotion for Lunch The Meal! You are constantly eating Lunch and avoiding the cursed bookends of Breakfast and Darkmeal. When you are around a sandwich, the pure, violent euphoria turns your body into a thrashing occasion. It’s incredible to understand that you would die to protect an index card that says “Lunch” on it. Thank you for your inspiring love for Lunch! You will die soon, but it will feel great!

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