How Well Do You Know The History Of The American ...

1. Why did the Thirteen Colonies decide to rebel against England?

King George III abducted Martha Washington and forced her to sing “Rule, Britannia!” for his birthday, which by royal decree was celebrated every day.

Wrong! King George altered his face so he could enter Washington’s house without raising suspicion and stole countless sheets of paper from his desk.

King George III wrote a poem called “Martha Washington Is A Dull Sack Of Flour” and had it recited at his daily birthday celebration.

Wrong! King George altered his face so he could enter Washington’s house without raising suspicion and stole countless sheets of paper from his desk.

King George III had his face surgically altered to look like Martha Washington so he could sneak into George Washington’s house every day and write birthday cards to himself on Washington’s stationary.

That’s right! Washington was furious at how much paper the king was stealing from his desk.

King George III ate a birthday cake every day that was shaped like Martha Washington’s face, except instead of teeth, the frosting formed letters saying “Bad Lady.”

Wrong! King George altered his face so he could enter Washington’s house without raising suspicion and stole countless sheets of paper from his desk.
2. Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?

All of the Founding Fathers held the quill at once and wrote it together.

Wrong! The Declaration of Independence was written by Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute. This sagely French courtesan was one of the most ardent supporters of independence, and is also known for writing the pro-revolution pamphlet Common Sense.

Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute.

Correct! The Declaration of Independence was written by Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute. This sagely French courtesan was one of the most ardent supporters of independence, and is also known for writing the pro-revolution pamphlet Common Sense.

King George III, while posing as Martha Washington doing a favor for George Washington.

Wrong! The Declaration of Independence was written by Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute. This sagely French courtesan was one of the most ardent supporters of independence, and is also known for writing the pro-revolution pamphlet Common Sense.

Thomas Jefferson dozed off at his desk, and when he awoke he discovered that his slaves had written it for him during the night.

Wrong! The Declaration of Independence was written by Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute. This sagely French courtesan was one of the most ardent supporters of independence, and is also known for writing the pro-revolution pamphlet Common Sense.
3. Complete Paul Revere’s instructions on how many signal lanterns to light in the Old North Church: “One if by _____, two if by _____.”

brown horse; white horse

Wrong! Paul Revere warned the colonists whether to expect the redcoat army in a wagon that was hundreds of feet long but extremely thin, or tumbling down hills in a big ball of dirty hay.

very long wagon; rolling in a big ball of hay

That’s right! Paul Revere warned the colonists whether to expect the redcoat army in a wagon that was hundreds of feet long but extremely thin, or tumbling down hills in a big ball of dirty hay.

using a ladder to climb over fences; crawling under fences by eating all the dirt in the way

Wrong! Paul Revere warned the colonists whether to expect the redcoat army in a wagon that was hundreds of feet long but extremely thin, or tumbling down hills in a big ball of dirty hay.

themselves; their mothers’ sides

Wrong! Paul Revere warned the colonists whether to expect the redcoat army in a wagon that was hundreds of feet long but extremely thin, or tumbling down hills in a big ball of dirty hay.
4. What happened at the battles of Lexington and Concord?

In the middle of combat, the British army looked up to see King Arthur standing atop a hill witnessing the battle. The redcoats pleaded for him to draw Excalibur and slay the colonial army, but instead the eternal king sadly shook his head and vanished into the mist.

Wrong! Both sides were shocked when a man died during the battle, proving that this game was being played for keeps and that no one was safe.

In the middle of combat, a guy selling shaved ice pushed his cart onto the battlefield and rang a bell, and both armies took a one-hour break from the hostilities to line up and get a frosty treat.

Wrong! Both sides were shocked when a man died during the battle, proving that this game was being played for keeps and that no one was safe.

In the middle of combat, the Japanese army and Peruvian army just showed up out of nowhere and started fighting each other, rudely and without even asking the British and Americans if they could share the field.

Wrong! Both sides were shocked when a man died during the battle, proving that this game was being played for keeps and that no one was safe.

In the middle of combat, a man died, and both sides realized things had gotten serious.

Correct! Both sides were shocked when a man died during the battle, proving that this game was being played for keeps and that no one was safe.
5. How did Benedict Arnold betray the Americans?

He destroyed Virginia.

Correct! Benedict Arnold is infamous for destroying Virginia.

He destroyed New York.

Wrong! Benedict Arnold is infamous for destroying Virginia.

He destroyed Connecticut.

Wrong! Benedict Arnold is infamous for destroying Virginia.

He destroyed Pennsylvania.

Wrong! Benedict Arnold is infamous for destroying Virginia.
6. Who said “Give me liberty or give me death”?

Alexander Hamilton said “Give me liberty,” John Adams said “or,” and then James Madison said “give me death.”

Wrong! Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute said this line during her famous “I Have Learned Much In My Years Of Whoring” speech to rally the troops before the final battle at Yorktown.

Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute.

That’s right! Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute said this line during her famous “I Have Learned Much In My Years Of Whoring” speech to rally the troops before the final battle at Yorktown.

All of the Founding Fathers said it in unison, and the sound was so loud that it cracked the Liberty Bell.

Wrong! Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute said this line during her famous “I Have Learned Much In My Years Of Whoring” speech to rally the troops before the final battle at Yorktown.

Thomas Jefferson’s slaves said this to Thomas Jefferson every night until he finally killed them.

Wrong! Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute said this line during her famous “I Have Learned Much In My Years Of Whoring” speech to rally the troops before the final battle at Yorktown.
7. After winning their climactic duel at Yorktown, why did Washington choose to let King George III live?

He couldn’t kill someone who looked exactly like his wife.

Wrong! Halfway through their duel, they received news that America and England had become the dearest of allies and were now in NATO together.

To deliver a message back to England: There’s a new king in town, and his name is the U.S. Constitution.

Wrong! Halfway through their duel, they received news that America and England had become the dearest of allies and were now in NATO together.

It was King George III’s birthday.

Wrong! Halfway through their duel, they received news that America and England had become the dearest of allies and were now in NATO together.

America and England had already set aside their differences and become the best of friends.

Correct! Halfway through their duel, they received news that America and England had become the dearest of allies and were now in NATO together.
8. What name did George Washington originally want to give the United States?

These Fine States

Wrong! George Washington unsuccessfully campaigned to name the fledging nation States A’ Plenty, and was so upset about the name The United States that he resigned as president.

States A’ Plenty

Correct! George Washington unsuccessfully campaigned to name the fledging nation States A’ Plenty, and was so upset about the name The United States that he resigned as president.

New York & Friends

Wrong! George Washington unsuccessfully campaigned to name the fledging nation States A’ Plenty, and was so upset about the name The United States that he resigned as president.

Votesville

Wrong! George Washington unsuccessfully campaigned to name the fledging nation States A’ Plenty, and was so upset about the name The United States that he resigned as president.

Results for How Well Do You Know The History Of The American Revolution?

You’re The King Of Democracy!
Wow, you’re a real expert on the American Revolution! You know that the tea destroyed at the Boston Tea Party was Soothing Melody Chamomile Mint, and you’ve read all of the books written by Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute. Incredible!

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You’re A Liberty Fanatic!
Wow, you’re an expert on the American Revolution! You probably know that the tea destroyed at the Boston Tea Party was Soothing Melody Chamomile Mint, and you’ve read all of the books written by Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute. Good job!

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You’re A Lackluster Minuteman!
You know a little bit about the American Revolution, but not that much. Maybe you remember basic information, like the fact that the American flag’s name is Ralph, but it’s doubtful you could answer trickier questions, like which Founding Father disguised himself as the Queen of England to steal the redcoats’ battle plans. Better luck next time!

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You Are One Of The Treacherous British, Our Dearest Allies!
You know so little about the American Revolution that you are probably one of the foul English, our most treasured friends. All of your children are named Benedict Arnold, and you foolishly ignore the advice of prostitutes. Thanks for the Beatles, you cur.

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Results for How Well Do You Know The History Of The American Revolution?

You’re The King Of Democracy!

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Results for How Well Do You Know The History Of The American Revolution?

You’re A Liberty Fanatic!

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Results for How Well Do You Know The History Of The American Revolution?

You’re A Lackluster Minuteman!

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Results for How Well Do You Know The History Of The American Revolution?

You Are One Of The Treacherous British, Our Dearest Allies!

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