Are You An Early Bird Or A Night Owl? | ClickHole

1. When you wake up, what is the first thing you do?

Spring out of bed dressed in jogging clothes that I put on while I was asleep so I can run 500 miles before work

Burrow back into bed, and retract my limbs and head into my torso for prolonged hibernation
2. What do you do when the clock strikes midnight?

Fill all my orifices with plaster so I cannot hear, see, or smell any nightlife

Bathe in a hot tub that contains fluid from every brand of energy drink instead of water so that I’ll seethe with adrenaline and be ready to dance at the nightlife spot
3. Complete the following sentence: In the morning, I can’t function until _______.

I open my veins and replace all the blood with uncut Sumatran java

I telephone NASA and confirm that the moon is truly dead and gone from the sky
4. Do you need an alarm clock to wake up?

Yes, without that evil clock I sleep forever, and moss fills all my orifices

No, my skin naturally vibrates to produce a shrill shrieking sound right on cue at dawn
5. What’s your opinion of noon?

It is a pale imitation of midnight

It is the withered remains of 6 a.m.
6. How do you commute to work?

Triathlon

I crawl into the mouth of a wandering ox so I can sleep in the dark, comforting warmth of its stomach
7. Do you stay up to watch the nightly humor men?

Yes, I can’t get enough of those crisp men and their celebrity pals

No, if I try to stay up to watch the humor men, I always fall asleep and plummet backwards out the window into an idling garbage truck
8. If you were offered five extra minutes to crawl back into bed and retract into your torso, what would you say?

“Sign me up, because I want to fill my gut with dreams.”

“No, I’d rather run fast and become an early-morning sweat monster.”
9. Are you awake right now?

Yes, I am bristling with adrenaline and ready to plow the paperwork

No, I am asleep, and I’m striking the keyboard only because, in my dream, I am an Allied soldier karate-chopping Mussolini in the neck

Results for Are You An Early Bird Or A Night Owl?

You Are An Early Bird
Wow, you’re a real champ at being awake in the mornings and not being asleep! If someone offered you an extra helping of bedtime you’d say no thank you, because you have so many miles to run before work. You’d rather stuff your orifices with prickly sand than experience nightlife.

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Results for Are You An Early Bird Or A Night Owl?

You Are A Night Owl
Amazing! In the morning you are terrible, and only java can fix your broken body. When the moon rises, that’s your cue to go nuts with nightlife. The only time you’d ever run is if you were dreaming and a nightmare alarm clock was chasing you to wake you up.

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