Are You A Good Parent? | ClickHole

1. When your child is crying, what do you do?

Give them as much water as they need to replenish their tears

Lock them in the wailing chamber and let them wail it out

Start a charitable foundation to discover a cure for sobbing

Take the opportunity to cry louder than them, to teach them what pain truly looks like
2. How many hours a night do you lie awake thinking about your child?

I lie awake paralyzed with fear two to six hours a night

I sleep eight hours a night to show them that love must be earned

My parents did not sleep after I was born, so I have not slept since my child was born

My partner and I take alternating shifts throughout the night brainstorming healthy breakfast choices for our child
3. Are any of these your children?
4. Have you ever done your child’s homework?

Yes, but then I immediately ran it through a paper shredder in front of them to show them the importance of work ethic

No, I send my children to the wailing chamber each night and expect it to be done by morning

Every night; their teacher and I have an agreement where I write “done” on their homework and they get an A

Never, I am too busy doing homework for my children’s friends to even consider looking at theirs
5. When you and your spouse disagree, do you ever do so in front of your child?

Yes, I whisper my argument into their ear and have them say it to my partner so they know how it feels to fight a true fight

No, every time my partner and I disagree, I make sure to bury my child in the ground until we’re done

Yes, as a reward for good behavior, our child may watch us fight once a month

Never, but I send them a detailed transcript of the proceedings when we are done
6. On average, how many sacrifices per day do you make for your child?

Zero sacrifices

Five hundred tiny sacrifices

One, but it is a very large sacrifice and is incredibly painful

I sacrifice so much for them that I have lost the ability to count or parent responsibly
7. When your child turns 18, how will you surrender?

I will give them the white flag my parents flew when they surrendered to me

I will sign the truce document I received after their birth that states I will no longer hug and kiss them

I will become their child and they will become my parent, and we will switch again after 18 more years

I will finally tell them I am proud of them

Results for Are You A Good Parent?

You Are A Good Parent!
Oh, thank God, you are a good parent. Phew. What a relief! Thanks to you, your children will grow up big and strong, and often spontaneously say, “My parent was a fine guardian and caretaker.” And they will mean it. You use the wailing chamber when you need to and aren’t afraid to be firm with them, just like a model mom or dad would do! So, when you finally lie down and surrender, they might even thank you for it!

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Results for Are You A Good Parent?

You Are A Bad Parent…
Oh, no. You are a bad parent. Just like your parents. Just like your parents’ parents. Just like that woman on the street you saw yelling at an empty stroller. You may think you’ll surrender and everything will be okay, but kids don’t just pop out fully functional adults. Bottom line: Your children are goners, and you are a goner. So, maybe take some time in the wailing chamber, because that is exactly what bad parents like you deserve.

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