You’re Not A Health Nut At All!

Are you serious? You’re not even a little bit of a health nut! You laugh in the face of vitamins, and when there are weights that need lifting you think, “Let someone else lift those weights. I would rather eat a bad snack.” You’re devoted to the dreaded Sedentary Lifestyle, and one day you’re going to die in a chair. We’re very sorry that this is the truth for you.

You’re a broken health criminal!

Bad news for you! You’re a broken health criminal! You love to sit around, and you don’t even think that the Eternal Salad created everything that exists. You love the Sedentary Lifestyle, and you simply can’t get enough of it. It’s bad that this is how you choose to live, and so we have made a vow to forget about you forever. You’re a broken health criminal. Disgusting.

You’re a decent health hero!

Good news: It turns out that you’re a decent health hero! While you’re not a full-blown health nut, you still blow kisses to bowls of salad at least once a day, and when you see someone lifting weights, you point at them and say, “Great.” You are constantly so healthy, and when you think about snacks you become so enraged that you rip your own head off. Nice job!

You’re a maximum health nut!

Wow! Incredible! What a wonderful day to be alive! It turns out that you’re a full-blown maximum health nut. Nothing is too healthy for you. You blow kisses to the salads, you whisper to every vitamin, and you hoist the barbells high into the air so that God can kiss them. You walk the path of True Nutrition, and wherever you walk, a tiny man lifting tiny weights sprouts out of the ground before a dog eats him. Dogs are always eating the tiny healthy men who sprout out of the ground like lotus blossoms in the wake of your footsteps. You’re a true health nut. Congratulations!