If I Told You This Succulent Rack Of Ribs Was Yours For Free, You Would Say, “Slop Them Onto Me!!!”

Based on your responses, if I told you this phenomenal and delicious rack of ribs was yours for free, you would fall to the ground, lie on your back, and say, “The ribs, the ribs! Oh, please won’t you slop them onto me?” You would then address me as the Barbecue Captain, and, while pointing into your mouth with alternating middle fingers, you would demand that I pour the rib rack onto you. And I would oblige.

If I Told You This Succulent Rack Of Ribs Was Yours For Free, You Would Say, “You Are Tricking Me Or Something!”

Based on your responses, if I looked you in the eye and told you this unbelievable plate of bone-sucking ribs was yours for zero dollars and zero cents, you would accuse me of being a con artist. “Deception,” you would shout. “This man is claiming to offer me ribs, which are too good to be given away to a person like me! Deception!” But, my friend, you would only be deceiving yourself. These ribs belong to you.

If I Told You This Succulent Rack Of Ribs Was Yours For Free, You Would Weep In Silence, Overcome With Emotion!

Based on your responses, if I told you that you were now the sole owner of this magnificent old rack of barbecue ribs, tears would well up inside you and you would find yourself unable to speak. As you gingerly placed rib after rib into your mouth, bones and all, your eyes would glimmer, seeming to say, “You true gentleman. You champion. You have given my life meaning.”

If I Told You This Succulent Rack Of Ribs Was Yours For Free, You Would Say, “Okay.”

Based on your responses, if I were to tell you right now that this succulent rack of ribs was yours at no cost whatsoever, you would say, “Okay” and maybe you would say, “Thanks, man,” and then you would eat the ribs.