You Are A Swill-Guzzler!

Oh, how nauseating! You are a swill-guzzler who drinks it all! This is a true misery for me to understand. You’ll slurp down whatever frothy soup comes trickling down your sip-hole. What is wrong with you? Don’t you know about the big tastes and the high standards? Don’t you dream of hops in the night? No. You don’t care about the good beer. You are a swill-guzzler. Your death could not possibly come swiftly enough.

You Are A Bad Beer Person!

Horrendous! When it comes to beer, you are barely a snob! When you see a lager, you say, “Who cares?” and when hops come to town, you think, “No thanks.” Your standards are a nightmare and your tastes are the kinds of terrors that make animals scream in the jungle. One day, it is a good hope that you will become better, but until then, you are a bad beer person. Stay away from me and my family.

You Are A Moderate Beer Snob!

Congratulations! You have proven yourself to be a moderate beer snob! You carry high tastes deep in your soul, and your beautiful beer standards are the kinds of things that nice people write poems about. When you hear someone say “ale” you say, “Oh, yes. Oh, yes,” and when you think about hops you weep with joy, and people look at you weeping and they smile. You are incredible, and one day I must meet you. Thank you for being such a good beer person!

You Are A MAXIMUM BEER SNOB

I’m jumping for joy! Sadness is banished from my life forever! It turns out that you are an A-Class Number One Beer Snob Eternal! Your ironclad beer standards guide your life absolutely, and your supreme tastes are the reason why life exists. You can tell the difference between a cold beer and a hot beer, a lager and a Thumper’s Ale, and when you write in your beer journal, the words are like loud, big songs written by God. This is a wonderful time to be alive. You are a Maximum Beer Snob. Amen.