1. 1. Where is slime currently liberating itself from your body?
  2. 2. The gangrenous plaque in your ear canal, what sickly shade is it?
  3. 3. Have you used a neti pot to flush out the goop residing in your cavities with fresh, life-giving saline?
  4. 4. What part of your nightmarish body did your most recent stab of excruciating pain originate from?
  5. 5. Which animal has most recently gazed upon your sordid state with unmistakable pity, even though it should not, biologically speaking, be able to convey that emotion?
  6. 6. How many of your fingers have popped?
  7. 7. What percentage of your body could, at this very moment, be considered “fetid”?

  • Results for Are You A Rat’s Nest Of Disease?

    You are a seething mass of infirmity.

    Large masses of goop are exiting your sorry excuse for a body, because even they can’t handle another second in that demented flesh sack. The saintly neti pot is your only hope for sanctuary. Get one immediately, and pray you aren’t so far gone that its curing saline salve can’t nurse you back from the brink.

  • Results for Are You A Rat’s Nest Of Disease?

    You are a sweaty den of pus.

    Any of your internal organs that haven’t liquified yet are currently stratified in virus-churned layers of a diseased hell. Avoid contact with all vertebrates for the next four to 16 years, depending on how much mucus came out from under your toenails while you were reading this. You do not even deserve to gaze upon the everlasting gift that is the neti pot.

  • Results for Are You A Rat’s Nest Of Disease?

    You are by some miracle only a dewy basement of repulsiveness.

    Despite your eczema-ridden heart, you are not in such squalid a state as would require grafting bone marrow onto all of your major organs. Keep your neti pot by your bed at all times, and perhaps the multitude of disease within you will be flushed out in time.

  • Results for Are You A Rat’s Nest Of Disease?

    You are shaking the very foundation of the health care profession.

    As various discharges emancipate themselves from your torturous hellhole of bacteria, doctors worldwide are wondering what possessed them to enter the trade that brought them face-to-face with you, a diseased monster grotesquely emitting viscera from ooze ducts. Grasp your neti pot and hold it close, for it judges you not and only wishes you back to health.
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