How Many Of These New Year’s Resolutions Have You... | ClickHole

1. Check off each of the New Year’s resolutions you’ve made for yourself this year:

Toss 2014 garbage

Curb all habits

Volunteer more for war

Eat fewer cigarettes

Name your kids

Switch from cassette tapes to CDs

Finish carving block of marble into a wife

Finally swallow that olive you’ve been holding in your cheek pouch

Pick a side in the Edison vs. Tesla rivalry

Spend less time on Facebook and more time with the mysterious chrysalis that beckons you always to the forest

Expose NASA once and for all

Stop living in fear, anticipation, joy, love, heartbreak, jealousy, bitterness, revenge

Get caught up on medicine

Figure out what Warby Parker is, if it’s not too late

Work hard to transform your racism into something more like subconscious bigotry

Finally make a ruling on potential pass interference in Bengals-Bears game from October 1993

Make a concerted effort to rhyme less

Alternate saying “sure” and “you got it”

Correct spelling on mountain named after you

Draw a fireman

Finally finish building Tracy 2.0 so you can make Real Tracy so jealous

Sit down on escalators

Forgive Phil Spector

Earn respect of inner voice

Results for How Many Of These New Year’s Resolutions Have You Made?

You Haven’t Done Enough Resolving!
Wow, you don’t care about self-improvement at all. You haven’t resolved to spend more time with deceased loved ones or even to shoot a really big deer. Try again next year!

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Results for How Many Of These New Year’s Resolutions Have You Made?

You’ve Done A Lot Of Resolving!
Congrats! You’re a self-improvement wizard. You’ve vowed to change yourself in a number of different ways, from learning to moan quieter to finally finding out what happened to your leg. Let’s see how many resolutions you can keep this year!

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Results for How Many Of These New Year’s Resolutions Have You Made?

You’ve Done A Decent Amount Of Resolving!
You’re not obsessed with self-improvement, but you’ve made a decent number of New Year’s resolutions. However, you still haven’t resolved to legally change your name to one of the world’s many beautiful curse words or figure out which of the two children who live in your house is your son.

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