Hanukkah Will Devour You.

Hanukkah will devour you. According to the data you have provided, you will be subsumed into the shrieking candle-tsunami of Hanukkah and it will carry you away forever. When Hanukkah comes bellowing out of the woods, you will be defenseless against its Candle Mischief and you will go bonkers. You will go wailing into the candlelit madness of Hanukkah, and fathers will point you out to their sons and say, “Look, son, there is a good example of a person who ripped their mind out on account of Hanukkah.” Even now, you are caught in the Candle Spider’s web of wicks, and She is scuttling toward you as we speak to suck the reasonable thoughts out of your mind and leave you candle-crazy. Happy Hanukkah.

You Will Rush Headlong Into The Candle-Toothed Mouth Of Hanukkah.

Your ruthless candlelust will propel you headlong into the Mouth of Hanukkah, whose many teeth are candles. Deep down, you have always wished to go bonkers with Candle Fever, and now, here in the shrieking winds of furious Hanukkah, it is finally happening for you. At last, you will become one with the candle-tempest of Hanukkah; you will run free into the candle-tantrum of Hanukkah forever, barking Candle Shanties into the candle-pocked sky and doing Candle Mischief to everything in your path. Congratulations on this achievement. Happy Hanukkah.

You Will Escape The Jaws Of Hanukkah.

According to the data you have provided, you will somehow escape the candle-toothed mouth of Hanukkah, and you will stay reasonable even as Hanukkah drowns the Universe in Candle Problems. Even when the family you love rips out their minds in the candle-tsunami of Hanukkah, you will take it all in stride and simply say, “Well, I guess they’re bonkers now.” And when the frigid tempest of Hanukkah finally returns to the woods, you shall remain intact, sound of mind, and able to begin repairing the candle-wrecked world Hanukkah left in its ruinous wake. How wonderful you must feel to know this! Happy Hanukkah!