You are not ready for Christmas.

Oh, no. No no no. What are you thinking? Are you crazy? ’Tis the season! Don’t you realize this? ’Tis the season! You’re letting everyone down.

You are a little bit ready for Christmas.

Well, the Red Jacket Man certainly won’t be giving you anything from the Sack of Christmas Allegiance, but you’ve probably done enough to earn a few loose Mentos from the Consolation Sack. Maybe have a little respect and try harder next time.

You are ready for Christmas.

The Red Jacket Man has been staring at you ceaselessly on cameras and from your closet, and he knows you understand and respect the real reason for the season (appeasing depraved and capricious planets). Your submission to Christmas is satisfactory. You may sleep without fear.

You are too ready for Christmas.

Oh, you poor, misguided monkey. You’ve gone too far! This isn’t getting into the Christmas spirit—this is a travesty! No jingle cave needs to be so full. No tidings need to be so dementedly glad. You’ve gotten so caught up in impressing the Red Jacket Man that you’ve lost sight of the real reason for the season: appeasing depraved and capricious planets. Oh, pitiful monkey, it will be many years before you outlive this shame.