Do You Have Everything You Need For Tailgating Th... | ClickHole

1. How many of these tailgating essentials do you have prepped for this weekend?

Some ratty football all scuffed up from hitting the asphalt

Whatever Dave’s girlfriend can throw together

Authentic Civil War cannon

Neighbor’s grill he never uses anyway

Something with corn chips sprinkled on top

A copy of Steve Harvey’s Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man

Paper towels, but not the ones with the flowery designs on them

Store-bought crab cakes

Roth IRA

Thing of face paint that will realistically never be opened

Phone numbers of friends tailgating in different part of the lot that’ll swing by for a quick second to say hi

Four kinds of fruit salad that will go untouched

Ice harvested from the nethermost regions of Antarctica

Pull-out couch

Napkins from Easter that Mom figures we should just use up now

Tailgaters I, II, and IV on DVD

Oversized foam spatula

Potato salad that better be prepared to survive in a warm car for a whole 45-minute drive

Brett

Brett’s one friend from high school

A portrait of John Philip Sousa, the father of tailgating

392 backpacks

Almost enough plastic forks

Yellow mustard—the good ol’ classic American synthetic stuff

One jersey, faded beyond recognition

Water, probably?

NFL rulebook to read cover to cover before game

Empty violin case filled with hot wings

A few colorful throw pillows that really tie the whole tailgate together

Dali original to model body paint off of

Plate of raw rice for friend with dietary restrictions

Globe to remember where stadium is

Copy of The Tailgating Twins And The Great Bratwurst Whodunit to keep the kids occupied

Healthy sense of perspective

Results for Do You Have Everything You Need For Tailgating This Weekend?

You’re Way Behind
Come on. You’ve got to pull things together if you don’t want everything to fall apart this weekend. Not only are you missing most of the things on this list, you also don’t have a chore wheel or the always-necessary brick oven for baking burgers.

Share Your Results
Results for Do You Have Everything You Need For Tailgating This Weekend?

Wikimedia Commons via Wolfgang Wander

Not Bad, But You’ve Got More Work To Do
Things might get a little frantic the morning of as you try to wrangle up the last of these items, but you should be in decent shape. You might even have enough time to pick up a 111-foot lighthouse for the festivities, if you play your cards right.

Share Your Results
Results for Do You Have Everything You Need For Tailgating This Weekend?

You’re Good To Go!
You’ve got this tailgate planning thing down. Not only do you have most of these essentials already lined up, you’ve even got your token friend to sacrifice should something go terribly wrong. Impressive.

Share Your Results