Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go online? Our Internet Simulator puts you in the driver’s seat of the World Wide Web, giving you the full experience of using the Internet. So, what are you waiting for? Get started by clicking the button below!
Wow. You are a very rare person who is known as “an outdoorsy type.” You have no interest in the Internet, and you never have to delete your history because you never had one. When someone asks if you would like to look at a website with them, you say, “No, I prefer to read a book or look at a REAL tree or get married.” You get your news from the things people shout out of their cars during bad traffic, and the worst swear word you can think of is “email.” When you die, your obituary will say, “World-Record Holder For Fewest Bookmarks.” Incredible!
In order to connect to the Internet, you need the password for the Wi-Fi network, but you don’t remember what it is. What do you want to do?
Whoa! You’re hacking into the Internet! Be careful, though, you don’t want to hack too hard.
Welcome to the Internet. What would you like to do?
“Hello, roommate,” they say to you. “We were just hanging out together as usual. Would you like to hang out with us?”
“Why, of course we do! Don’t you remember? You named it after us!”
“Michael.”
“Matthew.”
“Morgan.”
“And Marius.”
“The Wi-Fi password is ‘TheNamesOfMyRoommatesMichaelMatthewMorganAndMarius!’”
“Bye!”
You are not wasting any time. You came here for one reason and one reason only, and that reason is to look upon the glorious treat that is porn. Well, good news: The Internet is full of it. And the best part? It’s totally free. So, are you ready to start looking at porn, or are you having second thoughts?
That’s okay. Come back and look at porn when you’re ready. In the meantime, what do you want to do?
Whoa there! You can’t just start looking at porn without proving your age first! When were you born?
Awesome! You are old enough to ruin yourself with porn in a mature and responsible manner. Enjoy!
Sorry! You are not old enough to view porn, the jewel of the Internet. Unless you can get a note signed by a parent or guardian saying that you can look at all this porn, it looks like you are out of luck.
Awesome! You got a parent or guardian’s signature, and now you are allowed to ruin yourself with porn in a mature and responsible manner. Enjoy!
Oh, hell yes. This is just the tip of the iceberg. You want some more?
Oh, damn. This porn hits the spot. More?
Three letters: XXX. That’s what’s going on here, buddy!
Whoa. That is some hardcore porn.
You have GOT to love that anime porn!
Yup. This is porn.
And here’s one more piece of porn. Wow. You’ve looked at a ton of porn. Probably time to take a break and go look at some other stuff on the Internet, right?
If you insist. Here’s some more porn. You might want to slow down, though.
Are you sure you want to keep looking at this porn?
Okay, here is one last piece of porn. You’ve clearly had enough, though. Please stop looking at it.
Holy shit.
Whoa! Slow down, buddy! You’re out of control!
What’s wrong with you?
Here you go. The most inappropriate piece of porn on the Internet. You’ve seen it. Now what? Are you happy? Are you fulfilled? What are you trying to accomplish by looking at all this porn?
You Got Addicted To Porn
Bad news, pal: You got addicted to porn. You spend your days scrolling through thousands of images, searching in vain for a more inappropriate porn picture than the last one you saw. Because the fact is, you’ve seen it all. Hardcore, softcore. Chinese. No amount of porn can fulfill your insatiable craving for porn. You don’t know what day it is. You don’t care. All you know is that there is a bunch of porn on the Internet and you want to look at it all. When you die, your tombstone will say, “Saw most of the porn on the Internet for free.” Sorry!
There are three videos on the Internet. They are commonly referred to as The Videos. Each video has hundreds of thousands of views, but the third video is the most popular of the three. It is generally agreed upon that the first video is happy, the second one is funny, and the third one is inspiring. The videos were uploaded on the same day within minutes of each other by different users in three cities around the world. The first was uploaded in Hyderabad, India. The second, Ventura, CA. The third appears to have been uploaded from a remote region of the Caspian Sea.
Which of the three videos that are on the Internet do you want to watch?
Here is the first video. What would you like to do now?
Here is the second video. What would you like to do now?
Here is the third video. What would you like to do now?
The Internet is all about sharing great things you find with great people you love. Want to send this email to your roommates?
The Internet is all about sharing great things you find with great people you love. Want to send this email to your roommates?
The Internet is all about sharing great things you find with great people you love. Want to send this email to your roommates?
That was fast! Your roommates have already responded to your email. Want to read their reply?
Awesome. Time to get browsing. Which website do you want to go to?
GoodGamesForFree.com is a one-stop shop for all the best games on the Internet. Which game do you want to play?
You are playing the game called Gun Shooter on the Internet. Use the buttons to control the gun.
Wow. You suck at this game. Better luck next time!
You shot the gun! +100 points!
You shot the gun again! +100 points!
Shooting combo! +150 points!
You’re on a roll! +100 points!
You’re a shooting master! +100 points!
You Are A Gun Shooter Master!
You beat the game! Now your name is immortalized on the high score page! Awesome.
You are playing the game called Basketball Legend on the Internet. It is a very good and popular game. Use the buttons to control The Basketball Legend.
You Suck At Playing Basketball Legend!
You shot bad and now the game is over. Oh, well. Try again?
You shot good and beat the game! Nice. You are a true Basketball Legend!
This is a great email that your roommates will definitely enjoy.
That was fast! Your roommates have already responded to your email. Want to read their reply?
Cool! Your roommate Marius has his own website. Looks like he has it organized into several sections. Which section do you want to check out?
Life Is Good
Hey, Internet.
Today, I am thinking about how lucky I am to be where I am in life. I really can’t complain. I am financially stable. I have my own website where I get to write about my thoughts and interests. Four roommates who love and support me. And the whole Internet to browse all the time. Just this morning, I was playing Gun Shooter on GoodGamesForFree.com and thinking, it really doesn’t get better than this. Then I watched The Videos a couple times. Those are really good videos. Anyways, that’s all for now!
“Hi, my name is Marius. I live in a house with my roommates and I have a website. Here are some things I like.”
“Red Wine”
“Spaghetti Carbonara”
“Blogging”
“My Roommates”
“I am Marius the roommate and these are the things that I like.”
There’s just a bunch of pictures of people sweating.
Here’s another.
And another.
Looks like Marius is really into sweat.
It is important on the Internet to tell people what you think of the things that you see on the Internet. This is how we express ourselves online. What kind of comment do you want to leave on this video?
You Left A Nice Comment On An Internet Video!
Excellent work! You’re going to do great on the real Internet when you start using it. Awesome!
You Left A Funny Comment On An Internet Video!
Haha! Wow, that’s really hilarious. Your funny comment really brightened up everyone’s day. That’s something to be proud of!
You Got Banned From The Internet For Life For Swearing!
There’s only one rule on the Internet and it’s that no bad words are allowed. Well, you broke the rule, and now you’re banned from the Internet for life. Shame on you!
Oh, no! You hacked too hard. Maybe you should just ask your roommates for the password.
You have three emails.
You Got A Virus!
You shouldn’t have clicked on that link! Now your computer has a virus, and who knows how much of your data has been compromised. Wow. You are really bad at the Internet.
Looks good. Your mom will love this eloquently composed email.
Your roommates are going to love this email reply.
You Are Ready For The Real Internet!
By deciding not to click on the link in that email, you avoided getting a virus and proved that you have what it takes to go online for real! All four of your roommates are very proud of you. Now, you can try the real Internet by clicking here! Good luck!
You travel to the bottom of the Internet, where websites cannot survive, and find yourself hurtling down a long winding tunnel made of zeroes and ones. This is the Deep Web. It appears abandoned, but up ahead you can see a flickering light.
“Hello,” says a floating GIF of Howard Dean’s infamous Dean Scream from 2004. “I am the guardian of these hallowed data tubes. What business do you have here in the deepest part of the Web?”
“Yes,” the Dean Scream GIF bellows, its voice echoing throughout the inexplicably long tube. “I look after this sacred Web and keep it safe from harm. If you’d like, I could show you around.”
“Very well!” the Dean Scream GIF screams, its voice echoing throughout the inexplicably long tube. “I shall be your guide. Let us set off, and explore this sacred digital wasteland.”
The Dean Scream GIF takes you deeper and deeper into the Internet. Along the way you see many wondrous sights. There is no language to describe these incredible landscapes. You are in awe of the great and terrible things you see here in the deepest part of the Internet.
You Got Lost In The Deep Web!
You should’ve followed that Dean Scream GIF! Now, you’re trapped in the Deep Web forever. Yikes!
“I call him The Waving Gentleman,” says the Dean Scream GIF as you come upon a large motionless man wearing a suit. “No one knows where he came from or who he is waving at. As far as I know, he has always been here, one foot in the air, waving in stillness.”
“The digital tree. It has never grown leaves.”
“Who are they?” you ask the Dean Scream GIF.
“There are some things,” says your guide, “that are best left unknown. Come now, my child. We must not linger here long.”
You begin crossing a seemingly endless grid that the Dean Scream GIF tells you is called the Desert. The horizon moves in the distance like a jump rope. Up and down. How long have you been here?
Suddenly, something catches your eye up ahead. Is it...could it be...
“My roommates!” you shout, rushing to meet them.
“Child, no!” screams the Dean Scream GIF.
But just as you reach them, your roommates crumble into a million pieces.
“No!” You cry, looking hopelessly upon their shattered remains. “Michael, Matthew, Morgan, and Marius! What have I done?”
“Fear not, young one,” says the Dean Scream GIF. “Those were not your roommates, but mere imprints of their online presence. I assure you, your friends are alive and well. Though they may have to reset their bookmarks. Come, my child. Let us leave this place.”
You reach the end of the Desert and the Dean Scream GIF turns to you
“This is as far as I can take you, my young friend,” says the Dean Scream GIF. “Just beyond this ledge is the center of the Internet. I wish you good luck on your journey and in all your future online endeavors. Farewell.”
“YAAAAAAAAA!!!” yelps the Dean Scream GIF, barreling over the horizon.
On your own once again, you descend the ledge and approach a circular sphere. This is it: the center of the Internet.
In the center of the sphere is a woman holding three roses, like she was expecting you or something.
“Congratulations! You have reached the center of the Internet. Please accept this award in honor of your great achievement.”
“Suit yourself,” says the nameless woman at the center of the Internet. “Me? I’m getting the fuck out of here. It’s too fucking cold here. And boring as shit. Jesus Christ, is it boring as shit down here.”
And as she shuffles off toward nowhere in particular, you think of what a great email this will make for your roommates.
You Made It To The Center Of The Internet!
What an incredible achievement! You made it to the center of the Internet and you have these three roses to prove it. Incredible! Just wait until your roommates hear about this! Well done!